Falling Angel, Divine Key
by gradykat
Summary: As Kevin translates the angel tablet, the Winchesters discover a way to free Castiel of Naomi's grasp. Much to their surprise, the key to this plan is a prostitute named Lexi. She proves useful on their mission, but seems to mean more to one angel in particular... (Cas/OC. First fic! Please review :) also this was written before 8x17 aired.)
1. Chapter 1

**All characters (except Lexi) are owned by the CW, _NOT_ me!**

Chapter 1

"I _know_, Sammy!" Dean shouted angrily, pacing back and forth between one of the motel beds that were unfortunately covered in a what-used-to-be-olive-green duvet and the wobbly wooden table somebody had placed next to the window. "All I mean is, why couldn't the evil things that _weren't_ born in Hell get trapped there too?"

"Because that doesn't make sense, Dean," an exasperated Sam replied from the table, but he understood Dean's frustration. They had put so much into closing the gates of Hell, and yet even with Crowley and all his demons permanently put at bay, the Winchesters' work never seemed to cease.

Sam and Dean's redundant bickering was interrupted when Cas materialized in the middle of the room.

They stared at him for a moment as he swayed, then collapsed on the floor. Both brothers rushed over to help him. "CAS!" Dean yelled, grabbing the angel by the collar of his blood stained trench coat while Sam put a hand up to Cas' nose, making sure he was still breathing. Exchanging a look of wary relief, they each gripped one of Castiel's arms and hoisted him onto one of the thin, creaky beds.

A few hours later, Sam thought he saw Cas' head move out of the corner of his eye. He blinked hard, wishing he were in bed instead of searching through local newspaper articles. _When's the last time Dean pulled an all-nighter researching?_ he wondered, annoyed by the faint snoring from the far bed, and he vowed that next time he'd claim the first sleeping shift.

Sam's head snapped up as Cas moved again, letting out a small moan as his eyes fluttered open and finally locked onto Sam.

"Cas?" Sam whispered, quickly getting up from the chair and moving towards the bed.

"Sam," Cas sighed in his deep, gravelly voice as he started to sit up. He turned away from Sam, seeming puzzled for a moment until he saw Dean asleep in the other bed. Cas took a deep breath and put a hand to his temple. "How long was I out?"

"About five or six hours," Sam replied. "Cas… what happened?"

Cas' eyes flitted around the room anxiously. "Not now," he whispered back.

In the next bed, Dean began to stir. He turned over slowly, but when he saw Cas awake he sat up quickly.

"Jesus, Cas." Dean rubbed his eyes. "Why do you always have to scare us like that?"

Cas gave him an affectionate glance, then looked down at his bloodied hands. "I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean… to scare you." He looked back up, and though he couldn't quite read the expression on Dean's face, Cas knew he was relieved to be back with the Winchesters.

"So are you going to tell us what the hell is going on?" Dean demanded, turning from Cas to Sam and then back again.

Cas hesitated, eyes nervously searching the room again. "We'll need to find a safer place to talk," he mumbled, barely audible.

Dean closed his eyes, and his jaw tightened as he exhaled sharply. "Well, then does it have to be right now? Are you going to go zapping off someplace before tomorrow?"

Cas looked confused. "No… I really don't think so," he answered, turning back to Dean.

Sam gave Dean a reproachful look behind Cas' back. "Cas, all he meant was maybe we should get a little rest before we dive into this."

"Of course," Cas replied matter-of-factly. "I should probably clean up a bit." He looked down at himself, realizing for the first time what a state he was in. He stood up and headed towards the bathroom, then stopped. "You take the bed, Sam," he said. "I think I'm as well rested as I'm going to get."

Sam nodded, and turned to close his laptop.

"Hey, Cas," Dean started. Cas turned to look at him. "You're... you're good, right?"

"Yes, Dean," Cas answered with a small smile. "I'm good." But when he entered the bathroom and saw his bruised face and tortured eyes in the cloudy motel mirror, he knew he hadn't exactly told Dean the truth.

When Dean woke again, the sun was shining into his eyes. After a few seconds, he was able to open them enough to see Castiel sitting at the beat-up wooden table staring out the window, no longer battered and bloody but still pensive and withdrawn. Dean vaguely wondered how long he'd been sitting there, but he'd known Cas long enough to have a good idea that it had been all night. The thought left his head as he got up and stretched lazily. Cas' face brightened somewhat when he noticed Dean awake, and he rose from his chair hopefully.

"Not going anywhere yet, Cas," Dean grumbled irritably. "I can't deal with any of your bull crap before a shower and some coffee." He shuffled into the bathroom and slammed the door shut before starting up the hot water.

Cas looked down at the ground and lowered himself back into the chair to resume his gazing position.

Sam had been woken up by the door slam, and he sighed as he swung his legs off the bed. Cas did not look at him.

"What the…" Sam turned toward the bathroom, running a hand through his slept-in hair. He looked at Cas questioningly.

"We aren't dealing with any of my bull crap before a shower and some coffee," Cas repeated flatly.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Cas… Look, he's still just upset about the whole closing-the-hell-gates thing."

"How many times do I have to explain to you two that I would have been there if I could?" Cas glared at Sam.

"No, I know," Sam replied with an earnest look. "You don't have to tell me." He glanced again at the bathroom door, feeling like Cas didn't deserve this treatment from Dean. Cas' eyes were focused outside the window again, his mind already someplace far away. Sam watched him for a second, then sighed again and stood up to start the coffeepot.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Where the hell are we?" Dean asked. Castiel had just transported them to a parking lot in front of what seemed to be a storehouse; the building seemed sturdy, though not very large.

"This should do," Cas stated, ignoring Dean's question. He strode towards the entrance, and the brothers traded incredulous glances before following him.

"Is this whole structure iron?" Sam asked as they passed through the doorway.

"Yes," Cas raised him eyebrows at Sam. "It should be harder to eavesdrop on us in here."

"Who are we worried about eavesdropping?" Dean sounded angry, but suspicious.

"Naomi," Cas whispered after a moment.

"Who's Naomi?" Dean asked accusingly. Cas turned away from Sam and Dean, unsure of where to start his story.

Dean shifted his weight impatiently. "Cas, isn't this the part where you tell us where in God's name you've been?"

"Yes, Dean, it is!" Cas spun back around to face the boys. "And despite what you seem to believe, I wasn't hiding out trying to get away from it all and I _definitely_ wasn't cavorting around with Crowley!"

"Well, it's not like it would have been the first time for either," Dean spoke quietly, staring down Cas. He immediately regretted his words, but instead of apologizing, he just looked away.

"Dean," Sam started reprimandingly, but Cas shook his head at him. "Alright, Cas, we're listening," Sam said pointedly, giving Dean a meaningful look. "Who is Naomi?"

Cas waited until Dean met his eyes to begin speaking. "Naomi… is an angel." He seemed anxious again, eyes darting around the storehouse as he continued. "She has been… bringing me to her for I don't know how long. I only began remembering our… visits…" He spat the last word out as if it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "…around the time she forced me to kill Samandriel."

"Are you telling me you ganked Alfie against your will?" Dean asked in disbelief.

Cas met Dean's gaze with a look that reminded Sam of the dog he once hit with his car.

"You really believed I would do that of my own volition?" Cas' voice was hardly more than a whisper. "You think I didn't learn my lesson about committing the worst crimes even with the best of intentions?"

Dean's cheeks reddened and he began to stare at the ground. He was ashamed; he had thought his old friend might have once again left the reservation—even though he knew Cas never did anything besides try to help. Dean forced himself to meet Cas' eyes when he answered.

"I don't really know what I thought," he responded lamely. "But, Cas," Dean continued with more indignation, "What were we supposed to think? You say you want nothing more than to help us seal the gates of hell, and then you disappear on us for months at a time? How was I supposed to know you weren't off on some stupid noble mission or that you hadn't gotten yourself killed?" Dean shouted, before he turned away.

"You were worried," Cas realized out loud.

"Yeah, no shit we were worried," snapped Sam. He'd been quiet throughout Dean and Cas' exchange, but now it hit Cas that although Dean had been openly rude since he'd appeared in their motel room, Sam hadn't been that happy with him either.

"You're not the only one who cares, Cas," Dean said softly but firmly.

"I know," he replied. Humans… they would never cease to amaze him.

"Good," Dean stood up straight. "Then I don't ever have to say that crap again."

Dean's remarks put a small but genuine smile on Cas' face. Sam chuckled and shook his head. As Cas' thoughts returned to the visits with Naomi, he became somber again—although something intangible had broken, and Cas found it easier to go on.

"You were right to be worried, you know," Cas sighed.

"Yeah, with some angel bitch making you ice your own? Sounds like I was… man, I hate being right," Dean tried make his tone playful, but the honest concern shone through.

"So she basically kidnapped you?" asked Sam, who was starting to put it together.

"Yes." Cas swallowed. He took a deep breath and told Sam and Dean everything he could remember about his time back in heaven, sparing only the goriest of details.

"Holy shit, Cas," Dean said in disbelief after his story was finished.

"Wow… well, we're really glad you're back safe," said Sam sincerely.

"I'm not really sure how safe I am," Cas replied hesitantly. "She seems to have no trouble locating me."

"Well, you're safe as long as you're with us," Dean stated decidedly. Cas wasn't sure how to tell his friend that he wasn't sure anybody could protect him.

"I wonder if there's anything on that handy old angel tablet about killing psycho angel chicks," Dean continued.

"You—you have the angel tablet?" Cas whispered, taken aback.

"Well, you've missed kind of a lot," Sam said with a sideways glance at Dean.

"Looks like it's time to pay a visit to Kevin Tran, advanced placement," Dean said with a grin, obviously proud of himself for surprising Cas with the news of the angel tablet.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Kevin and his mother had settled into a small, remote house outside Missoula, Montana. With the demons trapped in Hell, they were much safer, but everyone slept a little better at night knowing the Trans were off the grid. Kevin had a work shed behind the house; Mrs. Tran wasn't allowed inside, as they'd reached an agreement that she was more distracting than helpful while Kevin tried to interpret the tablets. The walls of the shed were nearly full with notes, symbols, and diagrams about Heaven and its angels. Everyone had insisted Kevin take some time off after the Hell Gates had been sealed, but it seemed as though he'd come back from vacation and hit the ground running.

"Damn, Kev," Dean remarked as he entered the shed. "Can't imagine where we'd be if our prophet wasn't in advanced placement!" He said the last two words somewhat mockingly, but grinned and was clearly impressed. Kevin returned the smile—he seemed more relaxed than any of them could remember seeing him. "You look good, man," Dean continued, patting him on the shoulder.

"Thanks," Kevin responded. "I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of this!"

Castiel walked around to examine the notes on the walls, then stopped at stared at one page in particular. "This is Enochian," he stated with fascination.

"Yeah, I've been able to get bits and pieces from what this thing says." Kevin pointed to the tablet. Cas nodded in approval.

"So," started Dean, "What's the good word?"

Kevin walked over to the long wall that was filled with the most scribbles and bits of paper. "This one has been a little different," he began.

"How so?" inquired Sam.

"That's the interesting part," Kevin said. "See, if you look—" Dean interrupted Kevin with a loud belch. Everyone turned to stare at him.

" 'Scuse me," Dean said. "Ugh, I am so stuffed—Kevin, your mom makes the best damn meatloaf I've eaten in a long time."

"That still doesn't mean you had to eat five helpings of it, Dean," Sam said.

"Shut up, Sammy," Dean answered grumpily. "Don't worry, there's leftovers for you, kid." He looked at Kevin, who was still staring at him incredulously.

"It _was_ very delicious," said Cas helpfully.

Kevin furrowed his eyebrows. "Angels don't eat," he said simply.

"Your mother was… rather insistent," Cas replied awkwardly. Kevin nodded and gave the angel an understanding look.

"Anyway," said Sam, somewhat impatiently.

"Well, this one seems to contain more history than instruction," Kevin went on. "It seems Heaven's past is made up of a few Ages, or Eras."

"I believe we are on the sixth," said Cas with a nod.

"Oh! That's actually—super helpful," Kevin rushed over to his desk and began leafing through piles of pages.

"Kevin," said Cas, causing him to look up from his notes, "Does it say how many Eras there will be?"

"So far, I've only gotten up to seven," Kevin replied. "But it doesn't seem very definitive." He shrugged.

"I see." Cas squinted, deep in thought. His eyes flickered back and forth as if he was trying to work out a complex puzzle. Then they fixed on something far away, and widened as he turned back towards Kevin. "Does it say anything about how to bring about a new Era?"

Kevin's eyes glimmered with triumph. "Yes," he whispered, but all three heard.

Dean looked over at Cas. "Why would we want to fast-forward Heaven?"

"Because structurally, it's a complete overhaul," answered the angel. "It doesn't make that much difference to the human souls, as they are all contained within their own pockets of existence, but to angels…"

Dean raised his eyebrows. "You mean, we might be able to take away the power of some psycho angel kidnapper?"

Castiel grinned.

Twenty minutes later, Cas, the Winchesters, Kevin, and Mrs. Tran were all crowded around their small, round kitchen table. "So, Kevin," said Mrs. Tran boastfully, "Have you told the boys about the keys yet?"

"I was just about to, Mom," Kevin replied, as though she had asked him to clean his room. He sighed before continuing. "The tablet states that each of the new Eras of Heaven must be unlocked."

"So—there's some kind of key?" asked Sam.

"It seems so," Kevin answered. "But Metatron, or God, I guess, wasn't very descriptive."

"So—there's one little key?" Dean questioned, bewildered. "But it could be anywhere in the world!"

"I think there's only one," returned Kevin. "Or like, one at a time? It wasn't that clear."

"One at a time?" asked Sam. "You mean like if one is destroyed, another one… pops up somewhere? Or…" Sam's eyes got bigger as he stared at Kevin. "Or how there's only one prophet at a time?"

"I was wondering if it meant a person," said Kevin. He turned to look at Cas.

"That's a possibility," Cas confirmed. "Much of what is written is metaphorical."

"So I take it you've never seen one of these keys, in all your time up in Heaven?" Dean asked Cas.

"I am very young by heavenly standards, Dean," Cas reminded him. "I was born around the time the current age began."

"Well, is there anyone around who might remember unlocking some pearly gates?" Dean questioned skeptically.

"There are only four angels who might." Cas shook his head. "And the two that are still alive are locked safely in the cage."

"Of course," Dean swore sarcastically. "So how in the hell do we find this thing and-or person?"

"The tablet does have a few mentions about that," Kevin interjected. "You can put together a spell to cast on any item, and then that item will reveal to you the Key."

"It'll tell us where it is?" Dean sounded surprised.

"Well, it will indicate when you're close," Kevin replied weakly.

"So basically," said Sam, "we throw some magic potion on a piece of jewelry and go around playing hot-or-cold with it until it lights up?"

Kevin winced. "Yeah," he said. "Pretty much."

"We are so totally screwed," Dean muttered, shaking his head.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Does it always take angels a whole week to figure out what the hell's going on?" Dean asked angrily. The boys were back in the motel, and Cas had just returned with news.

"I had to be very careful tracking down Inias, Dean," Cas answered indignantly. "And there's no one else left in Heaven to ask."

"It's fine, Cas," reassured Sam. "It gave us plenty of time to clean up this Wendigo crap."

Dean rolled his eyes but shrugged resignedly. "So we're sure this Key is a person?"

"Inias seemed inclined to think so," responded Cas.

"And all research points to yes," Sam replied.

"How does that even work?" muttered Dean.

"I believe Kevin is deciphering that as we speak," Cas replied, not aware Dean meant his question rhetorically.

"Right," said Dean after a beat, giving Sam a look that just said, _Seriously?_

"Were you able to get the rest of the ingredients?" Sam asked Cas, ignoring Dean.

"Yes, of course." Cas reached into his trench coat pocket and pulled out two small bags of organic-looking material. "It's too bad we couldn't use just any hibiscus, this one took some tracking down… It's actually kind of a funny story…" Cas half grinned before Dean interrupted him.

"That's great, Cas," said Dean disparagingly. "Now how about we get this show on the road? The sooner we get to Cleveland, the sooner we can leave."

Cas looked annoyed. "Have you decided on an object?" he inquired. In response, Dean took off the silver ring he always wore on his right hand and held it up.

"Okay," Sam announced. "Let's do this."

Sam and Dean stood over the large copper bowl they had placed on the motel table. Dean crumbled up the last of the components into the bowl while Sam looked over the incantation.

"Last one?" questioned Dean as he opened up his knife.

"Last one," sighed Sam, looking down again at the words Kevin had given them.

Cas watched intently as Dean slid the knife across his arm, letting the blood drip into the copper basin.

"Germen Domini," Sam began, "sit Sol egressus, super terram, a sanguine manus," He nodded at Dean, who dropped the ring into the concoction, "Clavis septimo coelo… ostenderet!"

The ring began to shine, though it not merely as though it was reflecting light from within the room—it was _giving off_ light, a warm glow that could only be likened to what glimpses the boys had seen of an angel's true presence. Almost instinctively, Dean reached down to grab it from the basin. Sam reached out to stop him, but the second Dean's fingers grasped the ring the glowing stopped; the only indication now that the ring was anything more than ordinary was that it seemed much cleaner than it had before it had been dropped into a bowl of crushed-up flowers and blood.

Dean raised his eyebrows as he turned around, ring in hand.

"Alright," he said, starting to grin. "Who's up for a treasure hunt?"

Sam and Dean had insisted on driving. Even though Cleveland was a good sixteen hours away, neither one was willing to leave the Impala. They were on highway 71, somewhere around Medina, Castiel more or less comfortable in the back seat when Dean started really complaining of hunger.

"Come on, you guys," he whined, "We haven't stopped since before Kentucky!"

"We're almost there, Dean," an exasperated Sam replied. "Once we find this guy we'll get you a cheeseburger."

"You better hope he ain't hard to find," grumbled Dean. His stomach responded with a weary growl. Dean switched driving hands, and began to tap the ring against the steering wheel to the beat of the Metallica song he'd insisted on playing.

They hadn't even entered the city when the ring began to let off a faint glow. At first Cas thought it was just the reflection from the street lights, but on a dark stretch of highway between Middleburg Heights and the airport he realized the light was in fact coming directly from the ring. "Dean," he said suddenly. Dean looked around towards Cas, but seeing his eyes on the ring he spun back around and stared at his hand. Sam had been almost asleep, but had started awake when Cas spoke. "Take the next exit," Sam instructed quietly.

Dean followed the exit to the right, but the ring faded slightly as he did, so they took a left at the stop sign. He continued to turn and then turn around every time the glowing brightened and ebbed. After fifteen quiet minutes, Dean began to wince and had to pull over.

"The damn thing's getting hot!" he exclaimed as he dropped it into the dashboard.

"We must be close," countered Sam. "Maybe you should put it away, anyway… I don't know how normal people react to self-illuminating jewelry."

"Yeah, okay," Dean agreed, and he put the ring in his jacket pocket, where only a thread of the ring's light shone through.

They continued to drive down the same street, then took a left when Dean glanced in his pocket and noticed the ring getting slightly dimmer. He slowed the Impala to a crawl when they saw a man in a dark leather jacket walking rather quickly with his head down. The man turned down an alley, and when Cas and the Winchesters drove past they didn't see another exit for him, so they pulled up to the next curb and killed the engine.

"Do we just run out and nab him?" asked Dean, realizing he hadn't really thought about what they would do once they actually found the Key.

"Don't be ridiculous, Dean," Sam answered, "We'll just make something up so he comes with us, and… go from there." He shrugged his easygoing, Sam Winchester shrug, and Dean was reminded of how convenient it was to have his little brother around whenever they had to talk somebody into doing something completely insane.

"Guys," Cas said urgently from the back seat. At least he had been paying attention, because now the man in the leather jacket was hastily heading back the way he had come.

Dean swore as he started up the car, but just as he was about to shift into gear a woman emerged from the alley and stopped next to a large dumpster. She was wearing a long, yellow-green, faux-fur collared coat that had an intricate gold-colored pattern and looked as though it could have been made anytime between now and the 1920s. She had on simple black stilettos and from this angle he could tell her nylons had a thin dark line running up each leg. Her loosely curled hair was down, and it hid her face as she dug for something in her coat. Dean looked into his own pocket, and noted that even though the man was clearly getting farther away, and quickly, the ring retained its glow. His jaw dropped as he looked back up at the figure just in time to see her light up a cigarette. Cas and Sam looked from Dean to the woman and back.

"It's her," said Cas, astonished.

"Is she—a—," stammered Sam.

"A what?" Dean turned to look at his brother.

"A—a prostitute?" Sam whispered, a completely perplexed look on his face.

"_What_," mouthed Dean. He turned back around to find her sauntering towards the Chevy, cigarette in hand.

All three of them stared as she approached. Dean rolled down the window, but drew away as the woman got closer.

She leaned into the Impala smiling, dark brown hair framing her sharp blue eyes, deep red lipstick already staining the end of the cigarette she held casually just outside Dean's window. Her heavily mascaraed lashes flicked down then up as she gave each of them a once-over, grin widening just before she spoke.

"Hello, boys."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Not the talking types, then," the woman continued when no one responded. She raised her eyebrows, but the shadow of her smile remained on her face. She took a drag from her cigarette before she continued. "Tell you what," she smirked as she leaned back, exhaling skyward. "Thousand bucks for the both of you, and I'll throw in the virgin for free." She nodded at Castiel, indicating she'd meant him. The angel's eyes grew wide, but he didn't take them off her.

"What? Uh—no, no thank you," stuttered Dean.

"Really," said the woman coolly, though she was genuinely surprised. "Not many men come around these parts at two in the morning who aren't looking for me."

"Well, uh, we were actually kind of looking for you," Sam answered awkwardly.

Dean shifted in the driver's seat, and his jacket pocket opened slightly as he did so. The light from the ring shone out, and the woman gave him a puzzled but slightly amused look.  
"Is your pocket glowing," she asked, "or are you just happy to see me?"

Dean gave her a look that just said _Come on_, and Cas grinned from the back seat.

"No, seriously," she continued, intrigued. "What is that?"

"Nothing," he answered a little too quickly.

"Dean, show her the ring," instructed Cas, to everybody's surprise.

Dean spun around to glance at Cas, bewildered, but Cas was still staring at the woman just outside the car. Dean reached into his pocket as he turned back to her suspiciously. Her eyes widened as he removed the glowing object, wincing slightly as he dropped it into his left hand. "Careful," he cautioned, "it's pretty hot—"

But before he'd finished his sentence she had taken the ring from his hand, and she was now gazing at it as she held it comfortably between her fingers.

"No it's not," she murmured distractedly.

After a few seconds, she blinked hard, and looked around like she had stars in her eyes. As she did, the ring shone brighter than ever, causing them all to squint. Then, as suddenly as it had brightened, it went out.

"Are you guys some kind of freaking magicians?" she exclaimed as her eyes abandoned the ring and she looked at each of them in turn, unable to hide her astonishment.

"No," replied Cas, "But we did cast a spell on that." He glanced down at the ring but quickly met her gaze again.

Questions upon questions entered her mind. "Why are you looking for me?" she breathed slowly, her eyes a perfect balance between skepticism and curiosity.

"Well that's a bit of a story," responded Dean. "And I'm more than a bit starving… How about you hop in and we'll tell you all about it?"

"I'm supposed to just 'hop in' to a '67 Impala with three full grown men, at least two of whom are armed?" she asked with more than a little incredulousness. "Are you serious?" The second sentence was more of a statement.

Without even looking at each other, Sam and Dean took their guns out of their pockets and unloaded them, leaving the pieces on the dash.

"We really just want to talk," Sam said, giving her an earnest look.

The woman studied them for a moment before speaking. "There's a 24/7 diner off Park," she said, flicking her cigarette into the street. "If you boys buy me a bacon cheeseburger I'll let you ask me anything you want." She handed Dean back the ring.

"Now we're talking," grinned Dean.

Cas leaned over toward the back left door handle, but she had the door open before he reached it. She slid in beside him with a smile. "What are you doing running around with these bad boys, virgin?" she asked coyly.

"My name is Castiel," he responded steadily, then added with a head tilt, "But you can call me Cas."

"Pleasure to meet you, Cas," and she sounded like she meant it. "And Dean, is it?" She turned toward the front.

"Yes ma'am," Dean replied with a slight nod of his head.

"And I'm Sam." Sam turned around to shake her hand. "Sam Winchester. Dean's my brother," he explained.

"Uh-huh," she nodded understandingly. "My question for you still remains," she turned to Cas. "And what's with the trench coat?"

Dean chuckled from the front seat.

"It's kind of a long story," Cas answered, looking down at his coat. When he raised his eyes again to meet hers, her gaze seemed to pierce through his vessel to his very essence. He swallowed and looked around the car.

"So what's your name?" Dean challenged.

"What do you want it to be?" she responded out of habit. Sam rolled his eyes. Cas got the impression that she still didn't trust them, so he gave Dean a look that said not to push the issue.

She didn't miss any of this, but decided to change the subject.

"So… you guys are Wiccans or something?"

"What?" responded Dean harshly.

"The spell, on the ring," she explained. "Let me guess…" She leaned forward and sized up Dean and Sam. "Detroit?"

"What is with Detroit," Dean mumbled to himself.

Sam chuckled. "No, and no." He turned around and gave her an amused look.

"All right," she continued haughtily. "Better question. Why did I get the feeling that thing was reacting to me?"

Cas gave her a small, curious smile. After a few seconds of uncertain glances with Dean, Sam responded.

"Because it was," he said quietly, but intensely.

"Why?"

Her question hung in the air for a profound moment as Cas turned to face her.

"What do you know about the keys to Heaven?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

She stared at him. Cas tried to read her emotions, but she seemed too jumbled. He couldn't quite figure her out.

"Um…" She looked around the car uncomfortably, then back at Cas. The look on her face said _What the hell?_ But there was something else in her eyes… Fascination? Lexi continued. "Jesus gave them to Peter, right? Like, two thousand years ago?" Her tone suggested that she failed to see the relevance to the current situation. Nobody acknowledged the question.

"This is it, on the left," she announced, breaking the silence. She pointed to a red and white checkered shack on the next corner, and Dean pulled into the lot.

"Alexandra," she declared suddenly, as soon as the waitress had brought over their Cokes. "My name is Alexandra Springfield… but you can call me Lexi," she added, with a playful look at Cas.

"Well, thanks for coming with us, Lexi," said Sam.

"Did I have a choice?" she asked. The brothers exchanged concerned glances before she continued. "I mean, you all show up in my neighborhood with this glowing thing and say you're looking for me, but not for the reason most people look for me," she went on. "And yet you didn't even know my name. _And_, I've been with you for almost twenty minutes and I still have no idea why." Lexi reached for her soda, and as she did the sleeve of her coat pulled back just enough to reveal a clear anti-possession tattoo on her left wrist. Dean hadn't been watching, but Sam sat up straighter and gave Cas a significant look, which was returned.

"Where did you get that," Sam asked slowly, glancing at her wrist.

She froze. "What does it matter where I got my tattoo?" Lexi answered defensively.

Dean looked at her quizzically, and she pulled up her sleeve so he could see what they were talking about. His eyes widened as he looked from her wrist to her eyes.

For a split second, Lexi looked extremely wary, but she blinked and looked down at her coat as she pulled her sleeve back down. "It's a symbol of strength from some ancient tribe," she said, a little too lightly. "Pretty badass, am I right?"

"Yeah," answered Sam. Not one of them believed that she didn't know what the symbol really was. "Got any more?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Lexi retorted, returning to her flirtatious demeanor. "Ooh—food!" They all sat up straighter as the waitress brought over a three large platters with cheeseburgers and French fries. Sam and Dean exchanged skeptical looks. Lexi was distracted by the arrival of her burger.

Lexi took off her coat, showing off a low-cut halter top that didn't quite suite the season, though it almost exactly matched her scarlet lipstick. She threw her hair behind her shoulders and dug into her burger. Dean started on his, and Sam picked up his chicken sandwich.

"Mmmm… oh my god, this is _totally_ worth the creepy, enigmatic car ride," she said emphatically, leaning her head back. She swallowed and looked across the table at Cas, who hadn't ordered anything. "Do you eat?"

In reply, Cas took a French fry from her plate and put it in his mouth. Everyone watched as he chewed and swallowed it.

Lexi blinked. "Well, at least you're more enigmatic than creepy." She narrowed her eyes. "But you should know that few take food from me without permission and live." She glared at him in jest and took another large bite from her cheeseburger.

Dean half-grinned, mouth full of food. He was entertained by this Lexi chick.

Lexi finished her burger before even Dean, but slowed down on her fries. "Could you pass me the pepper?" She turned to her left, and Dean handed her the shaker. "Thank you," she said sincerely, sprinkling on what Dean thought was way too much.

Cas spoke for the first time since entering the diner.

"You're very polite for a whore," he stated, with his signature head tilt.

She met his gaze with intensity, and Cas again felt the uncomfortable sensation of her stare boring through him, though this time it was complete with a clear undertone of anger. He forced himself to keep eye contact, though he couldn't help but notice Dean gaping at him from across the table and shaking his head very slightly.

"You're very presumptuous for a virgin," she answered cuttingly, hardly missing a beat. Lexi raised her eyebrows and cocked her head to the side, obviously mocking Cas.

Sam turned towards Cas, eyes wide, mouth hanging open.

Cas' eyes stayed locked on hers for a long moment, then he blinked and stared down at his hands.

Lexi, seeming satisfied with Cas' embarrassment, continued as though nothing had happened. "Why the hell were you looking for me, and what do the keys to Heaven have to do with anything?" She looked from Sam to Dean and back again.

"We're looking for the key," started Dean, "But… we don't think it's actually a _key_..."

"Where do I come in?" Lexi asked, appearing to take the idea of searching for a key to Heaven fairly easily.

"We think…" Sam started, then paused to wipe his hands on a napkin. "Lexi, we think you're the key."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Lexi stared at Sam for several seconds. Her breathing quickened, and her eyes widened as they flickered between Dean, Sam, and Cas.

"Shouldn't I, like, _know,_" she began, starting to freak out, "if I'm the Key to fucking… _Heaven_?!" She practically yelled the last part. "If that's true, how the hell is this the first I'm hearing about it?" The three boys exchanged looks, somewhat surprised by her total ignorance.

"Oh my god," she realized, "You thought I _would_ know." Lexi looked up at Dean, mouth open, shaking her head. She glanced at Sam skeptically before grabbing her coat. "I need a cigarette," she muttered. She was up before any of them could say a word, and she flew past the waitress on her way to the door, causing the girl to take a step back and stare after Lexi in confusion.

"Cas?" asked Dean.

Cas nodded. "I'll go talk to her," he said.

"Be nice," Dean warned. Cas was already walking towards the door, so Dean fortunately didn't see the annoyed look on his face.

"Alexandra!" Cas shouted as soon as he stepped outside, almost jogging from the exit to keep up with her. "Lexi!"

"What?!" She rounded on him, coat unbuttoned, and gave Cas a look that clearly showed she thought he was insane.

"I—" Cas furrowed his brows, uncertain of what to say. "Are you okay?"

"Am I okay?!" Lexi screamed. "Three guys just waltzed up to me and told me I'm some kind of divine instrument," she cried hysterically, "and the worst part is, I honestly think they believe it!" She looked at Cas, completely taken aback, and drew heavily from her cigarette. Her shoulders fell and she continued, no longer shouting. "What the hell am I supposed to think?"

Cas and Lexi stared at each other, unblinking. He could feel her emotions, and they poured out of her in waves.

There was definite apprehension, and a profound, built-up indignation; he sensed astonished confusion, though with an undertone of curiosity. But what Castiel found most fascinating—what utterly and deeply amazed him about this woman standing before him—was the complete lack of fear in her keen blue eyes. As he sifted through all this, trying to make some sense of her chaos, he noted a glimmer of something else—something pure…

"Hope," Cas said out loud. Lexi's eyes suddenly flashed panic as she took a wary step backwards.

"Are you some kind of mind reader?" she whispered breathlessly.

"Not… exactly," replied Cas, carefully.

"Well, that's unfortunate," Lexi countered with more assurance than she felt. "I was kinda hoping I'd have some sort of help from Heaven on this one." Her tone was sarcastic, but there was a distinct question in her eyes.

"You have me," Cas stated, stepping towards her. Lexi seemed perplexed for a moment, then her eyes widened as she began to understand. He took a deep breath. "I'm an angel," he said.

Sam slurped up the rest of his Coke and looked across the table at Dean.

"Do you really think she had no idea?" Dean asked, turning his head and following Lexi and the angel out of sight.

"Her reaction did seem pretty legit," Sam admitted. "But what was with that anti-possession tattoo?"

"She's hiding something," said Dean. "But I don't think it's anything about this key crap."

"Yeah," Sam agreed.

Dean let out a sigh and shook his head. "Shoulda known this wouldn't be that easy."

Sam laughed. "What, did you think we'd just find this person and they'd be like, 'Thanks Sam and Dean, I've been waiting for you even though I know perfectly well how to work the gates of Heaven,'" Sam asked mockingly.

"Shut up," countered Dean, who went back to focusing on the remainder of his fries.

Cas met Lexi's unbelieving stare, then squinted slightly and glanced up at the nearest street lamp. As she turned to see what he was looking at, the light exploded. He waited for her to be impressed, but her expression just became more wary. He paused, then placed his first two fingers on her forehead.

Lexi blinked, and was suddenly on the opposite side of the parking lot. She gasped and bent forward as if she were about to be sick.

"Holy shit," she managed to choke out.

"I'm sorry," Cas apologized, "I forget that takes some getting used to." Lexi took several deep breaths and stared hard at the ground until Cas placed his hand on her shoulder. Her dizziness disappeared instantly. She straightened up and stared at him with hesitant wonder, then asked in barely more than a whisper, "Can you zap people anywhere?"

"Yes," was his steady reply.

Lexi faced away from him, taking a long drag from her cigarette. She breathed out the smoke before slowly turning back around. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she took a shaky breath, biting her lip. "Can you zap me some place far away from here?"

It hit Cas that despite all her fearlessness and sassy retorts, this was a girl who hoped for nothing more than to get away from everything she'd ever known. She braced herself for a 'no' as Cas took a step towards her. "You're with us now," he replied with sincere kindness.

Dean and Sam came out of the diner looking around the lot for Cas and Lexi. She quickly flicked away her cigarette and cleared her throat when she noticed them. Cas thought he saw her wipe away a tear as she pushed her hair away from her face, but when she turned to face the boys, her expression was surprisingly composed.

"Thank you for dinner," she said.

Sam and Dean gave each other perplexed looks. "No problem," Sam responded, surprised.

"Well," Lexi took a deep breath, still in total disbelief. "Let's go get my stuff."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

They all climbed into the Impala the next morning, Lexi's ragged red duffel bag at her feet. She'd changed into jeans and a long sleeved shirt and replaced her stilettos with flat black leather boots, though she still wore the fur-collared coat. Sam and Dean had at first been surprised at her apparent willingness to join them, but as Sam had pointed out later at the motel, she probably just wanted to leave.

"I'm still not sure why I should believe any of this," Lexi said haughtily, slamming the car door.

"Then why are you coming with us?" smirked Sam from the passenger seat. She glared at him.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Lexi asked as Dean turned the keys in the ignition and the Chevy roared to life.

"Montana," Dean replied. "We're gonna check up on our prophet." He grinned at the look on Lexi's face.

"A prophet," she stated skeptically, then shook her head. "I guess I shouldn't be that surprised about a prophet when I'm sitting next to an angel."

"It does put things into perspective," Cas responded.

Lexi became quiet, and she stared at Cas long enough to make him slightly uncomfortable. He looked at her strangely. He still wasn't quite sure what to make of her.

"I thought angels were supposed to have feathery wings, or be made up of divine light or something," Lexi finally said.

"Divine light," Cas said slowly. "I like that." He grinned at her.

"How old are you?" Lexi could not hide her curiosity.

"I'm not sure. Millions of years."

"Does time even work the same for you?"

"Angels see time differently, but that doesn't mean it works differently." Cas looked at her fondly.

"And you've just been watching the Earth, this whole time?"

"There were periods of time when I was in Heaven, but, mostly, yes."

Lexi shook her head in awe. She realized for the first time that she was starting to let herself believe what these crazy boys were telling her.

"But… if you're not even…" Lexi frowned, thinking. "How do you like, manifest?"

"We must take a vessel." Cas looked forward, and he was no longer smiling.

"What do you mean take a vessel?" Lexi questioned warily.

"There are only certain humans who can handle it," he explained, meeting her eyes again. "And of course, we have to get their permission."

"Are you possessing someone right now?" she asked in a low voice.

"We need their consent," repeated Cas.

Lexi turned to look out the window, not sure how she felt about this. "What's his name?" she asked after a pause, still gazing outside.

Cas swallowed. "Jimmy Novak," he answered.

"So Jimmy's just sitting in there watching you use his body?" She faced Cas again, and he looked away, but not before catching her disappointed expression.

Sam raised his eyebrows at Dean. Dean tried to meet Cas' eyes in the rearview mirror—they hadn't heard anything about Jimmy for years. Both brothers had figured he'd died when Cas did, and they knew better than to ask.

Cas stared down in guilt. He looked from Dean to Lexi, his eyes almost pleading.

"Jimmy…" Cas started, then let out a sigh. "Jimmy has been locked inside himself for some time now." He stared off, eyes unfocused, and he had a deeply tragic look in his eyes.

"What the hell do you mean he's locked inside himself?" Dean insisted.

Cas hesitantly went on. "I think taking on Sam's visions from hell was too much for him," he said. "I used to be able to hear his thoughts," he whispered, "But since then…" He trailed off and shook his head.

"How do you know he's still in there?" Sam asked gently.

"Because I know," Cas said, turning away.

"Seriously?" exclaimed Dean from the driver's seat. "He's been in there this whole time, and you never said a word?"

"Do you think this is what I want?" Cas said with a steely tone. "It's not like I have a lot of options here, Dean." He shook his head. "Besides," he continued more quietly, "Did you really want to know?"

Cas turned from Dean to Lexi, and immediately wished he hadn't. Her expression was skeptical, and he could see her internal disgust.

"So you've just been going around for thousands of years possessing different people?" Lexi asked, though she wasn't positive she wanted the answer.

"No," he said quickly. She waited for him to continue. "This is only my second vessel." He turned away to look out the window.

Lexi was still uncertain about how she felt about this new information, so she turned her questioning to Sam.

"Why did you have visions of hell?" she asked slowly.

Sam gave a sad half-smile and turned to look at her. "I was there for a long time," he said seriously. "Dean too," he added, though Dean didn't react.

Lexi's eyes widened. "How…" she started.

Dean answered her unfinished question, breaking his bitter silence. "Cas here got us both out." Dean looked back at Cas, and their eyes met in silent mutual apology. Before Lexi could form another question, Dean's phone rang. He frowned slightly as he picked it up.

"Hey Garth," he said. Sam gave Dean a confused look, which he returned with a shrug. "What's going on?" Dean listened for a moment, then rolled his eyes, but it seemed he was more playfully exasperated than actually annoyed.

"What do you have going on that you can't be there by tomorrow?" Dean asked. "Ooh… Yeah man, we'll let you take care of those ghouls. We'll be there as soon as we can." Dean hung up without actually saying goodbye.

"What's up with Garth?" questioned Sam immediately.

"Got a call about a couple vamps just outside Burwell, Nebraska," Dean replied. "Guess he's got his hands full with a few ghouls down in Arizona, doesn't think he'll be able to make it up in time." Dean shuddered. "I hate ghouls."

"Ugh, I hear ya," Sam agreed. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, he's got help," assured Dean.

"Detour through Nebraska?" Sam asked, eyebrows raised.

"Detour through Nebraska," Dean replied with a smirk.

Lexi was the only one who didn't seem the least bit amused. She had listened to the exchange in silence, and now her face was turning white.

"Stop the fucking car," she said, attempting to take deep breaths.

"Sorry, kiddo," Dean answered, unfazed. Lexi's jaw tightened, and she glared at him, even though he wasn't looking.

She opened the car door to jump out.

"Woah, Jesus!" Dean exclaimed, slamming on the brakes and pulling off to the side of the road.

Lexi stepped out the second the car stopped, and slammed the door shut behind her. A blue minivan sped past, laying on their horn.

"Will you get back here?!" Dean leaned out the window, watching her as she swung her duffel bag over her shoulder and lit up a cigarette. She didn't turn around.

Cas transported himself directly in front of Lexi, nearly giving her a heart attack.

"JESUS!" she screamed, stopping herself in her tracks. "What is WRONG with you people?"

"Where are you going?" Cas asked simply.

Lexi closed her eyes and took another drag from her cigarette before responding.

"I don't much care right now," she said. When Cas just gave her a quizzical look, she continued, "I'm supposed to believe those guys have been to hell? _Seriously_? And not only that ghouls and vampires _exist_, but that you all _go after them?!" _She shook her head frantically._ "Plus_ all this bullshit about how I'm the key to heaven even though nobody seems to know what that _actually_ means!" Her breathing was rapid.

"You believe that I'm an angel," Cas answered after a beat.

"Yeah, occupying some dude's body," she retaliated. He took a deep breath and looked down at the ground. She shook her head and stepped away from him.

"You know about demons," Cas pointed out, meeting her eyes once again. Lexi's face darkened, and she turned away from him.

"No," Lexi said firmly. "No way am I going anywhere near that car again."

"I know you're curious," Cas said, raising his eyebrows.

Lexi couldn't deny it. Her mind was reeling with ideas about how this must be some kind of practical joke, or how maybe she'd finally just lost it, but she couldn't quite rationalize either one. She spun around and stared down Cas. "What do you want from me?" she implored, apprehension all over her face.

Cas sighed, wishing he had more he could tell her. "A little faith?" he tried.

He had trouble reading exactly what was going through her mind, but he could tell there was definite internal struggle. He looked at Dean, who was walking up to meet them. Lexi glanced back, but didn't make eye contact with him.

"Look," Dean said to her, trying to be patient but giving Cas an irritated look behind her back. "Just come with us. If at any point you want out…" Dean closed his eyes and shook his head. "We're not gonna force you to do anything."

Lexi turned towards Dean, unsure of whether or not to believe him. She stared at him for a moment, and though he definitely seemed exasperated, she realized she didn't think he was lying. She looked down and put out her cigarette under her boot. "Well," she said with a shaky sigh, "I guess if you guys have an angel on your side, you can't be all bad." She gave him a warning look, but then glanced at Cas in resignation and began to walk back to the Impala.

A few minutes after they had started driving again, Lexi resumed her questioning.

"Have you guys killed a lot of vampires?" she asked, leaning forward.

"Oh yeah," Dean replied, the cocky tone in his voice giving away his pride. Lexi almost succeeded in not rolling her eyes.

"Who's Garth?" she continued.

"Garth's another hunter," answered Sam.

"Hunter," repeated Lexi. "Guess that term makes sense." She shook her head. "So when did you guys start doing all this, anyway?"

"Long story," Sam answered.

"Let's just say it's the family business," replied Dean with a smirk.

Lexi narrowed her eyes at him. "How many hours 'til Burwell?"

"Thirteen or fourteen," Dean sighed.

"Great." Lexi leaned back against the seat. "I wanna know everything."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

They arrived in Burwell after nightfall. This wasn't ideal, but Sam and Dean had decided it was better not to wait until morning, and they were pretty confident they could take down two vampires between themselves and Cas.

Dean parked the Impala in a lot outside some processing plant. According to Garth, the nest was about a block away. They all got out, and the three humans took the opportunity to stretch. Lexi left her coat in the back seat, as it was significantly milder in Nebraska than it had been by Lake Eerie. She sighed before pulling out her pack of Camels.

"You ever think about quittin' those things?" Dean asked her.

"Nope," she replied, flicking her lighter. The tip of her cigarette glowed brightly, and she relaxed as she exhaled. Her mind was still reeling from everything Sam and Dean had told her, and she wouldn't have believed their stories if it hadn't been for the disturbingly matter-of-fact way that they'd told them.

Dean opened up the trunk as Sam and Cas walked over, and Lexi furrowed her brows when she realized he was using a shotgun to hold it open. Intrigued, she stepped closer, and her eyes grew wide as they took in the remarkable arsenal that was the trunk of the Impala.

"Holy shit," she breathed.

"I know, right?" Dean grinned as he loaded a handgun and hid it inside of his jacket. "Everything you'd ever need to gank any monster on the planet." He pulled out a machete as he said this, and looked at it with the same fondness most people reserve for young animals.

"I'm not sure whether I should be impressed or start running," she said frankly.

"Trust me," said Sam, "You start seeing the crap we see every day… you'll learn pretty quickly that the safest place to be is this car."

"Except maybe when you're being chased by monster trucks," Lexi retorted, recalling a story she'd heard a few hours ago.

"Oh come on," said Dean. "That was one time!"

Lexi laughed. "Whatever," she said, shaking her head. "She looks good," she continued, honestly finding it hard to believe this car had once been smashed nearly to a pulp. Her head was down, and so she didn't see the curious look Dean gave her.

"We should get going," Cas said in his steady tone, looking down at the long blade he'd grabbed from the trunk.

"Sounds good," replied Dean, shutting the trunk. "You," he pointed at Lexi with the machete, which probably should have unnerved her more than it did. "Stay here."

"Stay here?" she cried. "I just spent the entire day listening to your ridiculous stories about monsters that aren't even supposed to exist and now you're telling me I don't even get to see them?"

"I thought you thought we were crazy people for seeking out all this crap," replied Dean, indignant.

"Oh I stand by that," answered Lexi. She took another drag from her cigarette. "But I'll be damned if I don't kinda want to see it firsthand."

"No," said Dean, a finality to his voice that made Lexi realize he wasn't going to back down.

"It's too dangerous, Lexi," said Sam, looking at her earnestly. She sighed and opened the door to get back into the car, watching the boys turn their backs and head toward the abandoned factory where the vampires were located.

Dean turned around and pointed his machete in her direction again. "And no smoking in my car!" Lexi rolled her eyes, but stomped out her cigarette.

She watched their silhouettes until they were indistinguishable from the dark, then took a deep breath. She had no intention of waiting in the car like a child.

"Okay Lexi," she said to herself as she felt her stomach tightening. "If you can handle a couple two hundred pound men, plus some of the other shit you've seen…" She closed her eyes and breathed deep. "You can handle helping three guys out with two vampires." She swung herself out of the car and opened up the trunk.

Sam and Cas approached the main door of the factory; Dean had elected to go around back. Sam stood ready against the outside wall as Cas put his ear to the door—angel senses were better at detecting whether or not the vampires knew the hunters were coming.

Cas squinted slightly, then gave Sam a slightly puzzled look, which Sam returned. Cas held up three fingers, then four, indicating he thought there were definitely more than two vamps in this nest. Sam shrugged slightly—this didn't change anything.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash from the opposite end of the building, and they heard Dean yell.

"Sammy!" he cried, needing backup.

Cas wrenched open the door and let Sam go in first. Sam pointed a shotgun at one of the vampires who was trying to attack Dean, and fired. He managed to slow down two of them enough for Dean to get back in control and slice their heads off.

But Cas had been wrong. There weren't just three or four vampires—this was a nest of more than a dozen. At the same exact moment, all three of them wished strongly that they had just waited until dawn and come up with a better plan, but it was too late now, and wishful thinking left their minds as they quickly became distracted with the fight in front of them.

Cas had come in immediately behind Sam, and had taken off three surprised heads while Sam was busy with the shotgun. He had Sam's back while he reloaded, but as soon as Sam put the new rounds in another vamp grabbed Cas from behind and Sam was left to defend himself rather than help out his brother.

Dean was in the most trouble; he had taken down the couple that had initially grabbed him, but while Cas and Sam tried to fight off one or two each, four descended on Dean. Cas twisted the neck of his attacker and rushed over to help Dean, but not before one of the monsters stuck a knife between Dean's ribs.

Dean shouted in pain and raised an arm uselessly against another attacker, but Cas grabbed its arm and pulled it back as his blade took off its head.

One of the others smacked the machete out of the angel's hand; Cas was forced against the wall, and Dean held flat on the ground. As they struggled, they could both clearly see as the largest vamp held Sam face down, pinning Sam's hands behind his back. Fangs extended, it grabbed Sam by the hair and forcibly exposed his neck.

"Nooooo!" Dean cried. Time seemed to stand still within the chaos—Dean knew they couldn't stop this thing from killing his little brother.

As soon as the fearful thought crossed his mind, he watched a figure appear in the doorway, just behind Sam and the nest leader. She held a machete in her right hand, and it took her less than a full second to figure out what was going on. Taking a sharp breath in, Lexi grabbed her weapon with both hands. She sprinted forward and swung the blade upward, taking off the bloodsucker's head in one swift motion.

The vampire whose neck Cas had twisted was up again, and she came at Lexi, shrieking in anger, but Lexi was ready. As it reached its arms towards her, Lexi shoved the machete into its stomach, stopping it long enough for Lexi to retract the blade and slice its head off.

This momentarily distracted the vampires holding Dean and Cas, both of whom used this opportunity to free themselves. Sam ran over to Dean, bashing in a couple heads on his way.

Lexi had killed two vampires, but as two more rushed forward to avenge their leader, Cas realized she was in trouble. She took a swing at them, but too soon—one grabbed her arm and twisted it until she dropped the machete. She screamed as they shoved her against the wall, but before either could do anything more Cas came up behind them with his blade and severed both of their heads in one move.

Lexi stared at him, eyes wide, breathing hard. She was about to choke out some words of gratitude when Sam yelled Cas' name.

All the vampires were now dead, but Dean still hadn't gotten up. Cas strode over to him, and Lexi followed, cold fear in her eyes. She had no idea where the nearest hospital was, and there was quite a lot of blood…

"Cas," groaned Dean softly, wincing as he took his hand off the wound in his side. Sam looked at the angel hopefully, and as he did, Cas placed two fingers on Dean's forehead.

Dean gasped quickly, then took several deep breaths, each one getting slower. Lexi's jaw dropped, and Cas turned to her as Sam helped up Dean.

"Perks of having an angel on your team," said Dean, who seemed completely back to normal. He and Sam began to collect their various weapons that had been strewn about the factory floor. Lexi continued to stare at Cas.

"What?" he inquired, not quite able to read her look.

She swallowed hard before responding. "I would give almost anything to be able to do that," she whispered.

Cas stared at her, and she could tell he was trying to read what she was thinking, so she turned around and began to help the Winchesters clean up.

Thirty minutes later, Lexi and Dean sat on the hood of the Impala, Sam and Cas leaning against the car. They watched the tall flames of the old factory dance in the clear Nebraskan night sky, and as they did, Lexi realized that though she had been pretty freaked out about those vampires, there was something remarkably satisfying about knowing she'd helped stop them.

"You should be pretty proud of yourself," Sam said, turning to Lexi with a grin. "It's not every day somebody gets to save _my_ ass." All three of the boys smiled at her, and she was hit by the sudden realization that she _was_ actually proud of herself—and she couldn't remember the last time she had actually felt that way. Sure, she had moments when she thought about how independent she had become, and what she'd survived—but that was different. There was always a lonely undertone, and this time, she felt strangely connected to these two boys and their vagabond angel. She smiled back at them, and as she did Cas felt a strange pull in his chest. He looked away quickly, which confused Lexi slightly, but she seemed unfazed when she spoke.

"Well, I don't know how you boys feel about alcohol," she began, hopping down from the hood, "but I think I owe this angel a drink."

"Here, here!" Dean agreed, and they climbed back into the Impala.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

***The song in this chapter is NOT MINE. It is by _Those Poor Bastards_, and there is a YouTube link below.***

Sam found a motel across the street from a local dive, so they parked the Impala in the lot and grabbed their room keys before heading over to the bar. After finding out the kitchen was closed, Dean suggested finding someplace else, but Lexi tracked down the cook and talked him into grilling up a couple burgers.

"There are perks to hanging out with a prostitute," she grinned, sliding into the booth next to Cas.

"Maybe we should get you an FBI badge," said Sam, only half jokingly.

"Only if I can be Detective Holiday," replied Lexi, raising her eyebrows. She took a swig of her whiskey. "Still can't believe you drink, angel." She nodded at Cas.

"On occasion," he replied coolly, then smirked and drained his glass.

"Can you even get drunk?" Lexi asked him.

"It takes a lot," admitted Cas.

"Once," began Dean, "he claims he drank an entire liquor store." He raised his eyebrows at Cas. The bartender noticed Cas' empty glass and came over with more whiskey to refill it.

"Leave the bottle," Dean told her.

"Y'all celebrating something?" she asked, setting the liquor down after refilling everyone's drinks.

"You bet," Dean responded with a flirty smile, which was returned. He watched walk back to the bar, and ignored Sam's eye roll.

"To Lexi," Sam said. "Vampire slayer, and our very own divine key."

"Here's hopin," she responded, and they all raised their glasses.

A couple hours later, a blues band made up of three men who looked to be in their sixties showed up and began entertaining the place with some old standards. Cas was the only one of the group who wasn't showing signs of intoxication.

"I just _cannot_ believe you fuckers started the apocalypse!" said Lexi, a little too loudly, though fortunately no one was listening.

"Hey—we ended it too," defended Dean.

Lexi shook her head, and then stared into her whiskey. "I wish I could have met Bobby," she said quietly.

"Yeah, he would've gotten a kick out of you," Sam replied with a sad smile. Dean took a long drink from his glass, and Cas was starting to give her the look that meant he was probing her thoughts again, so she changed the subject.

"Mmm, I've always loved this song," she said as the singer belted out the second verse of _House of the Rising Sun_.

"I liked it better when The Animals did it," grumbled Dean, earning an annoyed glare from Lexi. "Whatever," he continued. "As long as they're playing stuff with words I really don't care."

"I've got this theory about people who don't listen to stuff without lyrics," Lexi said. Dean looked at her expectantly, and she stared back at him. "I think some people have to have lyrics because they can't deal with the words in their own heads."

Dean's face closed off, and he drained his glass. Lexi swallowed, wondering if she'd crossed a line, but rather than apologizing she decided she needed a cigarette. "I'm going outside," she said.

They watched her until the side door slammed shut. "She's really taking all this pretty well," remarked Sam.

"Yeah, minus her couple _minor_ freak outs," Dean responded sarcastically.

"Well what can we expect?" said Sam, but Dean was already looking over at the bartender again. Sam shook his head. "Cas? Any insights?"

Cas' eyes hadn't left the door since Lexi's exit, but he faced them as he spoke. "I think she holds in more than she lets out," he said pensively.

The band finished the song and took a short beverage break for last call, which quieted the bar down significantly.

"That girl asks more questions than anyone I've ever met," commented Dean.

"She is remarkably curious," replied Cas, staring off with a small smile on his face. Dean and Sam raised their eyebrows at each other, but didn't say anything. Dean picked up the bottle of whiskey and refilled each of their glasses.

They were all slightly distracted, so none of them paid much attention when the band started up again. Just as Cas started to wonder when Lexi was going to come back, they heard a woman's voice through the microphone.

_Here I am standing at the crossroads…_

A very drunk man turned around in his bar stool and whooped.

_On the path between darkness and light…_

Dean and Sam twisted around in the booth to find Lexi sitting in front of the drummer, strumming a guitar.

_They keep telling me I must choose_

_Between what is wrong and is right…_

Dean glanced back at Cas to find that he was just as shocked as they were. He turned back towards the band as the music swelled.

_Oh between good and evil, I'll never choose_

_If either side wins, I know I'll lose_

_So I'll stand at the crossroads for life, stand at the crossroads for life…_

Her singing wasn't always on pitch, but she put more than enough heart into it to make up for any technical imperfections.

_And all of them just want to use me_

_Use my name to endorse their beliefs_

_But I will be nobody's puppet_

_No matter who's pulling the strings_

_Oh, between good and evil…_

"Sing it, honey!" shouted the drunk man from across the bar. Cas gave him a dirty look, but when he looked back at Lexi a small smile passed across her face before she closed her eyes to deliver the bridge.

_Back off angels, back off devils_

_I wanna stand on my own_

_Back off angels, back off devils_

_I wanna stand on my own…_

"Picked a good song," said Sam, clearly impressed.

"I'll say," affirmed Dean.

_And no, I won't join your army_

_Not for Satan, not for Jesus Christ_

_Though I dwell within endless darkness_

_Somewhere, I know there's a light_

_Oh, between good and evil…_

Cas felt the pull in his chest again, somewhere deep—somewhere that made him silently wish he could know what it felt like to be blessed with a human soul.

_…Back off angels, back off devils_

_I wanna stand on my own…_

The guitar stopped, and she sang the last line without accompaniment.

_I'm gonna stand on my own._

The whole bar started clapping enthusiastically, Winchesters and Cas included. Lexi smiled as she handed the guitar back to its owner, but Cas could have sworn he saw her blush.

She walked over to the booth and grabbed her glass, draining it without sitting down.

"Nice!" Dean said, and this time she definitely blushed.

"Better finish up," she said. "They're gonna kick us out soon."

Cas was still staring at Lexi. Sam and Dean looked at each other and picked up their drinks.

Sam and Dean took one room, Cas and Lexi the other. Lexi hadn't said anything when they checked in, but as she flicked on the lights she noticed there was only one bed. Raising one eyebrow, she turned to Cas.

"If you think we're sharing that bed, you better have some cash hidden on you, angel," she said, looking him up and down with slightly glassy eyes.

"I don't sleep," Cas explained.

She stared at him. "Of course you don't," she said, throwing her duffel bag onto the bed.

She grabbed the ice bucket, and went outside for a moment. When she returned, Cas was sitting at the tiny fake wood table. He looked at her strangely.

"Why do you need ice?" he asked.

Grinning, Lexi set the bucket on the table and unzipped her duffel bag. She pulled out another bottle of whiskey.

"You packed… whiskey?" asked Cas. When she just smiled, he continued teasingly, "Of course you did."

"I only grabbed the important stuff," she said innocently, taking two plastic cups and filling them with ice. Cas considered telling her he thought she'd had enough whiskey for the night, but it occurred to him she might take that as a dare, so he stayed quiet.

"So you don't sleep," she stated, though her eyes implied it was more of a question. She opened the whiskey and poured a generous dose into each cup before joining Cas at the table.

Cas took a sip and was pleasantly surprised—the whiskey was very clean, and almost sweet.

"Do you just sit up and read?" inquired Lexi.

"Not really," he replied seriously after a beat.

"I would," she said, chewing on an ice cube. "Man… you can heal people, you don't have to sleep… If I hadn't heard about all that Naomi crap, I'd totally want to be an angel."

Cas looked down with a sad smile, then turned the questioning around to Lexi.

"Where did you learn to play the guitar?" he asked, genuinely wanting to know.

She stared at him for a moment, silently debating whether or not to tell him the truth. "I had a client, a while back," she started after deciding it couldn't hurt. Cas looked at her, confused. "When I say client…" she raised her eyebrows at him. He suddenly understood, and though he became slightly uncomfortable, he still wanted to hear the story. She gave him a half smile. "He was probably sixty, but really sweet… The lonely, harmless type," she continued, before looking over at Cas and realizing he didn't totally want to hear that. She rolled her yes. "Anyway, this guy owned a few guitars, including this old Gibson," she said. "There was one time he couldn't pay me, so he offered me the guitar, and… I started teaching myself the blues."

"Self-taught," Cas said, as if it should have been obvious.

"I'm self-taught at pretty much everything, honey," she said, taking a long drink of whiskey. She looked at him again, and he could sense another internal debate, so he waited for her to start speaking again. "I barely made it halfway through high school before my stepfather decided to put me out on the street," she explained. There was a tired hint of bitterness in her tone, but she spoke matter-of-factly.

Cas couldn't imagine how anyone could do that to family, or how terrible life had been for Lexi. With a stab of regret, he remembered calling her a whore in the diner. He hadn't even thought about it at the time—he had certainly judged her way too quickly. Lexi continued her story. "I left home, but it turns out it's pretty difficult to be legit and underage, so I set myself up in Cleveland—shared an apartment, got a few regulars… and eventually I picked up the guitar," she finished.

"What's so special about the guitar?" Cas asked.

"Ain't nothing as perfect as the twelve bar blues," Lexi replied, almost reverently. She took another drink and got up to find an ashtray, so she didn't see Cas' eyes look up at her with wonder.

Lexi sat back down and lit her cigarette. "I can't believe it's only been twenty-four hours," she said, rubbing her left temple. "You know," she started, giving a half-smile, "this is the farthest west I've ever been." Her tone was casual, but Cas saw right through it. She was so glad just to be going somewhere, but held a deep-seated fear that it would all slip through her fingers and she would end up where she'd begun.

"One day out," Cas said. Lexi looked at him apprehensively. Cas tilted his head, dissecting her mistrust. "You can let yourself believe you're out, Lexi," he said softly.

Her eyes clouded over, and she stared into her whiskey. After a moment, Lexi shook her head. "It's just…" She looked back up at him with the same pleading gaze she'd had in the parking lot outside the diner. "I'm not sure I can. And I've seen so many people…" Lexi's jaw clenched. "Why me?"

"Maybe you deserve it," responded Cas.

"There are _plenty_ of people deserve to leave that life behind," Lexi snapped.

"That doesn't mean you don't," he said simply.

Lexi looked away and took a drag from her cigarette. She exhaled slowly, and as she did she seemed to become more resolved. Still staring off, she finally spoke.

"I'm never going back," she said, and stubbed out her cigarette definitively.

Cas leaned forward. "You won't have to," he replied kindly.

"I mean it," Lexi insisted, meeting his eyes with a fierce gaze.

"So do I," answered Cas, and she knew he did. Her heart gave an involuntary leap when she realized she had finally met someone that she just might be able to trust. Lexi gave him a hint of a smile, and Cas leaned back in his chair. She stared at him for a minute, but wasn't quite sure what else to say, so she drained her plastic cup and stood.

"I gotta get a little sleep," she said. She was tired, and she curled up under the covers fully clothed, letting out a relieved sigh. "Good night, Cas," she said, and something in her voice made Cas feel as though he was curled up under blankets too.

"Good night, Lex," he whispered, looking out the window with a content gaze.

watch?v=irgeRUL3Mf0


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The next morning, Lexi woke up slowly. Before she even opened her eyes she realized she was holding her breath, tired brain not accepting that yesterday was real. Her fingers closed around the motel blanket, and it registered that she was not in her own bed. She opened her eyes. Sunlight formed a large blurry rectangle on the wall, and though it pained her head to look at it, she couldn't help but widen her eyes—she was definitely in the motel, and yesterday had definitely been real.

"Good morning," Cas said cordially. Even though she was facing away from him, it seemed he could sense she was awake.

Lexi stretched her arms as she twisted around in the bed, groaning in reply. She closed her eyes tightly and reopened them to Cas' grin. "Time's it?" she asked him, sitting up and squinting in the morning light.

"Eight," he replied, then glanced at the clock. "Eight thirty," he corrected himself.

"Did you have a good night?" Lexi's question came out slightly slurred.

Cas tilted his head slightly. "I suppose so," he replied, though he still seemed puzzled by the question.

Lexi was just about to ask if she actually had to get up yet when they heard muffled voices through the wall. "Come ON, Sammy!" Dean was saying. Lexi grinned. "I gotta shower," she told Cas.

"I could put on some coffee," he said helpfully.

"Er—yeah," Lexi responded, surprised. "That'd be great." Cas nodded and stood up from his chair.

Lexi came out of the bathroom with a towel around her hair but fully dressed for the day. Sam and Dean had come over while she was in the shower, and Dean seemed to be arguing with Cas, who was standing over the coffee maker.

"How the hell did you manage this?" Dean grabbed the coffeepot, which had spilled out all over the counter and onto the floor. Cas gave him an aggravated look, but after Dean turned towards the sink his expression became more defeated. Despite this, Lexi couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Dunno why you're laughing," Dean said grumpily. "You're the one who put the angel in charge of the damn coffee."

"Sorry," Lexi said, fighting off a huge grin. She met Cas' sheepish eyes and saw the corner of his mouth twitch into a small smile. Lexi had to bite her lip to keep from laughing again. "Is any of it salvageable?" She walked towards the counter, and as she did the smell of burning reached her nostrils. She gave Cas a perplexed look, and Cas opened his mouth to try to explain, but the look on Dean's face said that it was still too early for reasoning. Lexi started giggling again.

"We can stop on the way," Sam said. He was sitting in the chair Lexi had occupied the night before, and he had his laptop out on the table.

"On the way where?" Lexi asked, drying her hair with the towel.

"Denver," Sam replied, looking up at her.

"And what's in Denver?" Lexi inquired.

Sam glanced up at Dean, who seemed apprehensive. Lexi turned toward Cas for an explanation, but he avoided her eyes. Sam took a deep breath and began to explain.

"There have been a couple… interesting reports coming from Denver," he said.

"Interesting… how?" Lexi asked, though her gut told her she didn't really want to know.

"People going missing, mostly," Sam answered.

"So what do you think it is?" she asked.

Sam swallowed and glanced at the others before he answered, "We think it could be Leviathans."

Lexi's eyes grew wide. "I thought they were back in Purgatory," she said softly.

"Not all of 'em," Dean responded, wiping his hands off on his pants after realizing he'd used the only small motel towel to clean up the coffee.

"Don't you have to have some crazy weapon to kill Leviathans?" Lexi asked warily.

"Yeah, you do," replied Dean, "but if you chop their heads off and hide 'em far away from the rest of their bodies, it slows them down for quite a while."

"We're not sure how many of them there are," Sam said. "Looks like it might just be a couple… but, you're probably going to have to actually stay in the car for this one." He gave her a small, sympathetic smile.

Lexi sighed. "All right," she said, throwing the towel on the bed. "Denver it is."

Denver was about an eight hour drive, though they only stopped once. All three humans were pretty hungry by the time they rolled into town, so they found a motel and got takeout from the nearest Chinese restaurant. They all hung out in one room—Sam on his laptop, Dean impatiently trying to make plans, and Cas interjecting with the occasional logical comment. At first Lexi found their research and ideas intriguing, but she became bored after a while, so Dean sent her on a beer run. Lexi returned with a cheap twelve-pack and a six pack of what the liquor store owner had said was a decent microbrew. Though Dean didn't say anything out loud, she caught a pleasantly surprised look on his face when he started a bottle of the microbrew, which made her smile.

The next couple days carried on the same way. Lexi and Cas took to watching a lot of television, though it made Lexi restless. She returned from a walk Wednesday afternoon just as it began to rain. Sam was packing up his laptop, and both he and Dean were in dressed in suits. Lexi hung up her coat and raised her eyebrows at them. "Found something?" she asked.

"Could be," Sam answered. "There's a woman about fifteen minutes from here who claims an alien cloned her husband—a Charles Hartman—and has been walking around in his skin for the past week. But then yesterday, he disappeared."

"I really don't get how people think you're actually FBI agents," Lexi said, shaking her head. Cas turned off the TV and stood up.

"Wait, you're going too?" Lexi asked.

"Of course," Cas replied. "Though it has been requested that I remain invisible." He shot a quick, meaningful glance at Dean.

Lexi glanced down for a second, then gave Sam a curious look.

"What?" he asked, puzzled.

"Can I come?" Lexi asked.

"No," said Dean, who was straightening his tie in the mirror.

"But—" Lexi started.

"No." Dean turned towards her, and caught Sam's eye. Lexi watched for a few seconds as they had an argument in complete silence. She got the impression Sam was vouching for her.

"We don't even have a badge for her!" Dean suddenly exclaimed.

"I could be in training or something," Lexi suggested. Dean glared at her for a second before looking at Sam again.

"Fine," Dean said angrily. Lexi clapped her hands in excitement, and ran next door to put together an outfit with some semblance of professionalism.

Sam, Dean, and Lexi found themselves in a pristine, florally-decorated living room seated across from a dark blonde woman who looked as if she was in her early thirties.

"Are you sure I can't get you anything to drink?" the woman asked for a third time.

"No thank you, Mrs. Hartman," Sam said, as politely as he had the first time. "We'll only take up a couple minutes of your time." She nodded and looked down, wringing her hands.

"Mrs. Hartman," Sam started again, taking a small notebook and pen out of his inside jacket pocket.

"Susan," she said, forcing a small smile. "Please."

"Susan," Sam continued. "Could you tell us when exactly your husband started acting strangely?"

"Yes," she answered. "It was last Monday, when he came home from work. I had fixed up a nice tenderloin, which was always his favorite, but..." She seemed completely bewildered. "But he said he wasn't hungry."

"And that was—unusual?" Sam clarified.

"Oh yes," she responded. "He always ate tenderloin. But he said he was tired, and just went up to the bedroom."

"Mrs. Hartman—Susan," Dean said with a kind smile, "Did you at any point go to check on your husband?"

She nodded. "He was watching television," she said softly.

"Did your husband watch a lot of TV?" Sam asked.

"Sometimes," admitted Susan, "but never all night."

"All night?" Dean said skeptically. Susan nodded again, and blinked away the tears welling up in her eyes.

"He was watching the news when I first came up, to check on him," Susan said to Dean, "and then while I was trying to fall asleep, he kept flipping through channels." She swallowed and looked at them pleadingly. "I kept waking up during bits of movies, and infomercials." She seemed very confused at the last part.

"But he seemed normal the previous weekend?" Dean asked. Susan nodded, and Sam jotted something down. "Where did your husband work?" Dean continued.

She blinked in surprise, then answered proudly, "Well, he works for the government. He's an IRS agent." She paused. "Well, he was," she added to herself.

"Of course," Sam covered, shooting Dean an irritated glance. "And the strange behavior continued pretty much the whole week?"

"Yes," Susan replied. "He didn't eat a thing, just came home from work and sat in bed watching television."

"Which prompted you to call the authorities," Sam said. She nodded slightly, lip quivering.

"Susan," Sam began gingerly, "What happened the night before last?"

She began to cry. Lexi took a box of tissues from a nearby end table and handed it to Susan.

"Did he attack you?" asked Sam.

"No," Susan said hesitantly.

"Did you attack him?" Lexi asked gently.

The woman's eyes grew wide as they met Lexi's. She nodded. Sam and Dean's heads snapped toward Lexi, astonished at her question as well as the answer. Lexi looked at Susan kindly and waited for her to continue her story.

"I didn't… I knew it wasn't him," she said. "I just knew it wasn't Charles. So I confronted him about it, and he…" She choked back a sob, but then Lexi saw a flash of anger in her eyes. "He started laughing."

"Laughing?" asked Dean.

"He just laughed in my face," Susan said breathlessly. "And I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what this thing was, or what it had done with my husband—" She put her hand over her mouth and closed her eyes, barely able to continue. "I stabbed him," she said. "I grabbed a knife from the counter, and I stabbed him in the chest." Susan broke down, putting her face in her hands.

"It's okay, Susan," Lexi said soothingly. "Nobody's blaming you."

Susan finally looked up, eyes moving from Lexi to Dean to Sam.

"Really," Sam said, answering the question on Susan's face. "We just want to know what happened."

"It—it didn't kill—it," Susan continued quietly, staring at her hands. "There wasn't any blood, it was just this—this black…" She looked back up at them, sheer terror on her face.

"Black goo," Dean finished. Susan nodded. "He never stopped laughing," she said. "He just took the knife out, threw it on the ground, and left."

Sam and Dean exchanged meaningful looks while Susan met Lexi's gaze. Lexi's face held a mixture of understanding and apology; she knew there was no hope for Charles.

"He's dead, isn't he," Susan said, but it wasn't really a question.

"I'm so sorry, Susan," Lexi said, and she meant it. Susan nodded and looked down.

"Susan… if you see 'Charles' again," Sam said, "give us a call at this number _immediately_." He handed her a card and stood to leave.

"Thank you, Agent Anderson," Susan whispered. The boys and Lexi didn't wait for her to show them out.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

As soon as they returned to the motel, Dean loosened his tie and cracked open a beer. Lexi kicked off her shoes and did the same. Sam sighed and sat down at the shaky motel table by the window, and Cas took his usual place at the foot of the near bed. They had stopped by Charles Hartman's office, but it had been a dead end. Nobody knew where he had gone.

"How are we supposed to find this guy?" Dean asked, stripping off his jacket.

"No idea," said Sam.

"Cas," Dean began, "you had the son of a bitch clinging to your ribs a while back, right? Think you could hunt him down for us?"

Cas gave Dean a warning look, but then glanced down in what Lexi interpreted as shame. "That's not exactly how it works, Dean," he replied.

Now that they were certain they were dealing with Leviathans, they wanted to act quickly, but they were at a dead end. Lexi half listened to the boys toss around ideas for their next move, but she couldn't shake how talking to Susan had made her feel.

Cas turned on the local news, and the four of them watched it in silence. Nothing particularly unusual jumped out at them, so at five thirty Cas changed the channel to Wheel of Fortune.

Lexi sighed. "I'll be right back," she said, and went next door to change. She returned a few minutes later in sweatpants, carrying her bottle of whiskey. She raised her eyebrows at Sam and Dean, gesturing towards the whiskey. Sam shook his head, but Dean shrugged and grabbed two coffee mugs from the counter behind him.

Dean put his feet up on the rickety table, causing it and Sam's laptop to wobble. Sam shot Dean an irritated look, but Dean didn't notice, or maybe didn't care. They went back to discussing tactics, but Lexi wasn't listening.

She knew exactly how Susan Hartman felt, and she couldn't get it out of her mind. She knew Susan was afraid and confused and grief-stricken, but most of all Lexi knew how much Susan blamed herself. No matter how much anyone told her otherwise, she would always feel like it was her fault. Lexi was immersed in whiskey and her own thoughts, and did not notice Cas staring at her.

"Why are you preoccupied with that woman?" Cas asked, jolting her back to reality.

Lexi tried to look confused, but Cas could sense her sudden anger.

"What woman?" Dean asked.

She glared at Cas, then grabbed her pale green coat and ran outside. Dean and Sam looked at each other, bewildered. Cas followed her out the door.

"I'm sorry if I upset you," Cas said, catching up with her.

Lexi wasn't sure if she was more afraid of Cas intruding in her mind or the fact that he apparently cared enough to do so.

"Will you stop trying to be fucking nice to me?" Lexi demanded.

"Why… are you angry?" Cas looked at her, perplexed.

"Because you're invading my thoughts!" Lexi exclaimed. She threw her hands up in exasperation and turned to walk away, but suddenly spun back around. "You can't just—just swoop into someone's life and act like you know everything about them," she added indignantly.

"I'm sorry," he repeated sincerely. "Perhaps you shouldn't have come, if you found it distressing," Cas said, "but it was clear you were the one who got Susan to tell her story."

Lexi dropped her shoulders and looked up at him in dismay. "What do you want from me, Cas?"

He ignored the way his heart leapt up to his throat when she said his name and his pang of desire to comfort her when she looked up at him with her heavy blue eyes. Cas swallowed and took a step towards her. "I want to know why you were so affected by that woman's story," he said softly.

Lexi stared at Cas, and she knew that she was going to have to tell them sooner or later. She looked down at the ground, worried, but then nodded in resignation and started towards the door.

Once back inside, Lexi took off her coat and poured a liberal amount of whiskey into her coffee mug. She took a long drink before letting out a sigh and beginning her story.

"About a year and a half ago," she said, "I met this guy, through a friend. His name was Tyler, and he kind of had a thing for me… He didn't care about my work, which seems so crazy to me, even now..." Shaking her head, her expression clouded over to a heartbreaking mixture of guilt and grief. "He really cared about me, and I just barely put up with him. We spent a couple months together, and—" Lexi choked on the words. "And I got pregnant. I was twenty-one, I didn't know what to do, but he was so excited…" She blinked back tears and took another swig of whiskey. "I just remember thinking, this is it, this is my cue to get out of all this, and Tyler…" Her lip trembled, and she looked up at the ceiling. "He would have been a great father. He's the only person who's ever loved me, and I know he would have given that kid anything if he'd had the chance."

She paused for a moment and looked at each of them. She hated telling anyone about this, but she knew if anyone would understand pain and remorse to the extent that she did, it would be the people sitting in this room. Lexi looked down and unconsciously rubbed her left wrist.

"What happened?" Sam asked her in his gentle tone typically reserved for victims. Lexi took a deep breath and continued.

"Four months later, he started acting really weird. Almost a week went by where he was… overly nice, but it just didn't feel right. I asked him about it, finally, and…"

Cas felt her overt fear, and in a flash he saw a man, dark-haired but not handsome, charging forward, pure rage on his face—and right as the man raised his arm to strike, his eyes blinked into nothing but black.

"He attacked you," Cas said. Lexi nodded. "He was possessed," he finished, more quietly. Sam and Dean looked at each other anxiously.

"He beat the crap out of me," she whispered. "But I managed to grab a knife," she continued, voice shaking.

"I killed him," she said abruptly. "I treated him like shit, and then I killed him." Lexi put her hand over her mouth, and as she closed her eyes tears fell down her cheeks.

Cas wanted to reach out to her, to somehow let her know it everything was all right now, but he didn't know how to convey his deep sympathy.

It took Lexi a moment to compose herself enough to keep talking, and once she did her eyes were bitter and dark. "Lost the baby," she said matter-of-factly, then sniffed. "I spent two and half weeks in the hospital… Which I don't recommend without insurance, by the way," she added, straightening up and taking a long drink from her mug. No one said anything for a few moments.

Sam broke the silence. "We're so sorry, Lexi," he said, speaking for everyone. She gave him a sad little smile, and glanced at Dean, who wore a softer expression than she had seen on his face yet.

"Warm fuzzy story, right?" she said sarcastically, tone almost back to her normal level of sass, but her eyes were still red. She stared into her drink, and her eyes shifted to the tattoo on her wrist. "Got this maybe six weeks later, after a bunch of research. I have no idea where that black smoke went, but I knew I wasn't going to let it get me again."

Sam looked at her with his puppy dog eyes, and Dean studied her like he was looking at her for the first time. Somehow, she was still unable to meet Cas' sympathetic gaze.

"It's stuck in hell now," Dean said suddenly, and almost defensively.

Lexi glanced up at him in surprise and realized that not only were these boys the reason she hadn't had to deal with a demon in the past year, but that Dean's way of handling all the evil he had seen was to fight it head on, and he was proud of how he and Sam helped people like Lexi—people who often never even knew the Winchesters existed.

She smiled at him before excusing herself for a cigarette.

A few hours later, they managed to get the local police scanner feed on Sam's laptop and Sam noticed a call coming in from the opposite side of the city.

"Dean, check this out," he said, turning up the volume.

Half of a woman's body had been found, and one of the suspects matched Charles Hartman's description. Dean nodded at Sam, then looked at Cas. "Let's go," he said.

"You sure you didn't have too much whiskey?" Sam replied, which caused Dean to roll his eyes.

Lexi stood up as Sam and Dean grabbed their packs. "You're sitting this one out, little lady," Dean said to her.

She began to object, but pressed her lips together and nodded. Lexi didn't like the idea of staying behind, but she didn't much like the idea of facing Leviathans either.

"We'll be back," Cas said, giving Lexi a kind look before placing a hand each on Sam and Dean's shoulders and teleporting them away.

Lexi sat in her bed and smoked an entire pack of Camels while she waited for them to return, but as soon as they did—somewhat covered in black goo, but otherwise fine—she passed out, exhausted.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

They decided to stick around for a couple days to make sure the Leviathans were taken care of. Sam kept the police scanner on in the background, and a couple times he, Dean, and Cas popped out to make sure crimes were being committed exclusively by humans. Just before one excursion, Lexi picked up the thick leather bound journal Dean was always checking.

"What's this?" she asked with a sly smile. "Your secret encyclopedia of monsters?"

"Yeah," Sam answered, packing his messenger bag. "Pretty much."

Dean studied Lexi for a moment before he responded. "You know, you should probably flip through that if you're going to be hanging out with us," he said, swinging his pack over his shoulder.

Lexi was surprised—she had gotten used to Dean being protective of the boys' secrets.

"What?" Dean asked, seeing the shock on her face. He took a step towards her. "Day after I met you, you saved my brother's life," he explained. "Don't think I'd forget about that." He grinned at her before turning around and walking out the motel door.

Lexi understood that Dean's gesture was deeper than allowing her to read the journal, and when she caught Cas grinning at her proudly, she smiled right back.

Lexi was fascinated by John Winchester's journal, and had plenty of questions for Sam and Dean when they got back. They inevitably returned to the topic of the apocalypse, and Lexi wanted to know more about what happened in that field outside Lawrence, Kansas. Dean probably wouldn't have gotten through the story if he hadn't brought back more whiskey.

"I can't believe you beat the devil," Lexi said to Sam, staring at him in awe. "That's just… That's fucking amazing."

Sam half smiled at her and stared down at his drink.

"And you got him out of there!" she exclaimed, turning to Cas. He opened his mouth, but Dean interrupted him.

"Yeah, hell of a job, too," Dean said irritably.

"Dean," Sam scolded. Cas looked ashamed.

"So—what happened to Adam?" Lexi asked, and the stone silence that followed immediately made her regret her question.

Sam took a long drink from his glass before giving her an answer.

"For a long time, we wondered the same thing," he began. "With what happened to my soul down there, we couldn't…" He shook his head and looked down.

"I wanted to get him out of there," Cas blurted out. "But it was difficult enough to rescue Sam, and I hardly even did that."

"We know, Cas," Sam assured him, but Cas didn't look any less guilty. Sam sighed and went on.

"Before we closed the Hell Gates, we decided to try to get whatever was left of Adam out of the pit. But when we got down there…" He swallowed and looked over at Dean.

"Time doesn't work the same down there as it does up here," Dean cut in. "Up here, Adam was gone for a couple years, but down there…" He inhaled sharply and looked up at the ceiling. "Down there it was more than three hundred."

Lexi's stomach dropped. She had heard bits and pieces of hell stories these past few days, and even though she got the feeling that they would never tell her everything, she could not even begin to imagine centuries of torture and flame.

"Lucifer had turned him into black smoke," Dean finished quietly. "There was nothing left to save."

She spent the next minute trying to muster up an apology, but no words could convey how sorry she felt for them.

"I'm wiped," Dean said, draining his glass, and he sounded it. Lexi mumbled good nights and she and Cas relocated to their room.

Lexi was three quarters of the way through the next glass of whiskey before she spoke.

"I'm not tired," she announced suddenly, looking up at Cas.

"Well, neither am I," he responded, raising his eyebrows slightly.

She gazed across the table at him, eyes sparkling at his comment. Cas swallowed and glanced down at his hands. Lexi lit up a cigarette. "I thought this room was non-smoking," Cas said awkwardly, glancing at the sign on the door. She rolled her eyes and stared down at the smoke rising from her cigarette.

"I like Sam and Dean," she started, hesitating slightly.

"But?" Cas sensed a condition coming.

"Not, 'but,'" she said defensively, "just… Well, they seem to be pretty used to hanging out with an angel."

Cas squinted, trying to read what she was attempting to say. "You think they take me for granted," he realized slowly.

Lexi looked up at him. "I just know how that is," she replied, and as Cas looked into her eyes, he knew she meant it.

"Sam and Dean…" Cas began, before realizing he wasn't sure exactly where he wanted to start. He sighed before he went on. "They've both been through a lot," he said.

She stared at him for a moment. "I thought you took Sam's memories from hell," she said quietly.

Cas looked down at the table.

"It was my fault he remembered," he said heavily. "It was my fault he had them in the first place."

"Your fault for not saving one hundred percent of him?" Lexi said, sitting forward. "Cas… how was that your responsibility?"

"The Winchesters are my responsibility," Cas replied, resigned. "And even though I continuously fail them, I somehow keep being brought back."

It took Lexi a moment to place Cas' expression. It was disappointment—not just in himself, but in the idea of his resurrections. And out of all the surreal stories she'd heard and the monstrous things she'd seen of late, she found this the hardest to believe. How could an angel—an angel!—an ancient, supreme, heavenly being think _this_ poorly of himself?

Cas could feel her concern, and he marveled at it. He'd always gotten the impression that Lexi survived by not worrying about anybody else, and yet here she was reaching out to him with her soul. He wasn't even sure she was aware of it, and so he did not know what to say.

"You were designed to be like, God's perfect soldier, right?" Lexi finally spoke. Cas nodded. "So, once you started doubting what was going on… you kind of became something that you would have originally fought against," she finished.

"I suppose," answered Cas.

"I'm just saying," she explained, "that maybe you're hard-wired to fight that seed of doubt, even now that it's… a part of you?"

Cas had never quite thought about it like that. Was it just his core instincts telling him he never should have been brought back, never should have left Purgatory?

"Did it ever occur to you," Lexi said gently, "that you deserve to live?"

He blinked. Of course it had occurred to him, but he had never given it that much thought. It felt strange to hear it out loud, but as he did, he felt a faint glimmer of hope that perhaps there was truth to it. Maybe it was just the remnants of old instinct telling him every day that he didn't deserve the life he had been given again and again. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that if he had met himself as he was now five years ago… Old Castiel would have killed who he had become, without question, and though that wasn't a pleasant thought, it offered an eerily rational comfort.

"Defying everything you ever were is not easy," Cas said out loud.

"I know," Lexi said softly, staring up at him through her long, dark lashes.

Cas leaned forward and furrowed his brows just enough for the upside-down-V crinkle to form above the bridge of his nose. "I'm truly sorry about Tyler," he said.

Lexi looked down and took a drag from her cigarette. "The weird thing is," she said quietly, "the whole time I was with him, I kinda felt like I still had one foot on the platform." She looked back up at Cas. "Like I couldn't let myself believe anyone could actually... care."

Cas understood. He knew what it was like to not feel worthy—the awkward guilt, the constant anxiety that everything was always on the verge of falling away.

Lexi stood up and put out her cigarette, but instead of returning to the table, she let out a sigh and sat down on the bed.

Cas left his chair and sat down next to her. He wanted to make her understand that it was okay to trust others, to let them care about you—that if he had learned anything from his time on Earth, it was that the people made it worthwhile.

Staring into Lexi's unfathomably blue eyes, Cas' memory inexplicably flew back to thousands of years ago when he had occupied his original vessel. He'd stood on alabaster cliffs and truly seen the stunning expanse of the ocean for the first time. He had felt almost overwhelmingly insignificant, yet simultaneously boundless and connected, and he remembered wondering if that was a perennial human sensation.

He blinked, intrigued as to how this woman, who was so young, could evoke such an archaic recollection. He watched her eyes moved down his face to his lips, then back up to meet his gaze.

Cas put his hand up to her cheek. He could feel her heartbeat race in her throat as he leaned in towards her.

"I care," he whispered.

She reached up and traced his jawline with her thumb. Cas' breath caught in his chest, and he was so close now his forehead was almost touching hers. Their eyes locked for one aching moment, and then Lexi closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his.

If she was surprised by his passion, it was nothing compared to how Cas reacted to hers. As her hand slid up and grasped his hair, he squeezed his eyes shut and took in the softness of her lips, the taste of whiskey, the scent of her hair. His fingers tangled themselves in her curls and he pulled her closer. A small sound left her lips, and she reached up to stroke his collarbone.

When they pulled apart, Lexi stared at him, breathless. Cas smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The next morning they headed north for Montana. Kevin had called Dean and told him he'd had a breakthrough with the tablet, and both Winchesters and Cas were convinced the Leviathan threat was gone from Denver, at least for the time being.

Lexi had woken up to Cas staring at her, and was torn between finding it comforting or unnerving. They didn't speak about their kiss to each other, let alone Sam and Dean, but all day Cas seemed to go out of his way to make sure Lexi was comfortable and happy. When they stopped for gas, Cas bought her Reese's Pieces, Cheetos, and iced green tea—the exact same thing she had purchased on their stop before Nebraska. He put his hand on the small of her back as he handed her the plastic bag of snacks, until he noticed Dean giving him a quizzical look.

Kevin was helping his mother set the kitchen table when Lexi and the boys walked in. They introduced her to the Trans and made small talk while they ate, having agreed to postpone the tablet talk until after all the humans were well fed. Kevin, however, was strangely reserved, and by the end of the meal everyone was noticeably more anxious.

Dean set down his fork and looked up at Kevin, who avoided his eyes until Dean spoke.

"What have you got for us, Kevin?" he said heavily.

Kevin sighed, but Mrs. Tran answered. "He figured out more specifics about the gates," she said, sounding both proud and apprehensive.

"Mom," Kevin said, exasperated.

"And?" Dean prompted.

"And you might not like all of it." Kevin glanced at Cas, then quickly looked around the room. Cas furrowed his brows, trying to read what was going on in Kevin's head, but his thoughts were spinning too fast.

"All right," Kevin continued, looking back up at Dean. "Do you want the bad news or the worse news?"

"Worse," Sam, Dean, and Lexi said at the same time. Kevin raised his eyebrows.

"It's a three-part lock," he said, "that requires the essence of the key—" he nodded at Lexi—"the presence of God—"

"Wait, what?" Dean interrupted.

"Let him finish, Dean," Sam said, turning back to Kevin.

Kevin paused. After a moment he met Cas' gaze, and when he spoke he was all but whispering.

"—and the grace of an angel."

Lexi saw Dean's jaw clench, but she could not read his or Cas' expressions. Sam seemed resigned as he leaned back in his chair. "There was better news?" he asked, looking at Kevin.

"Yeah, kind of," Kevin replied awkwardly. "If this is successful, all the angels will be shut in Heaven—as far as I can tell, forever."

Dean remained silent. Lexi turned and looked pleadingly at Cas, wanting to know how he felt about this new information, but his face held no response.

After a moment everyone's eyes fell on Cas. As soon as he realized this, he sat up straight and looked down at the table. "If the grace of an angel is necessary," he said, "I am willing to give mine."

"Cas, no!" Dean shouted.

"Dean," Cas answered firmly, turning to face him. "It's the most practical way to solve this. Even if it wasn't part of the lock, I can't be stuck in heaven with Naomi." He swallowed and stared off far away. "And I like it here," he added softly.

"But you'll… die," Lexi said, astounded.

"I have died before," Cas said matter-of-factly.

"This is different, Cas," Dean growled, and as he looked at the angel Lexi realized that he too wanted any reason to not have Cas do this. "Why can't we just kill the stupid bitch?"

"Naomi's followers won't stop trying to control everything, and they certainly won't stop coming after me," Cas said simply. "And I doubt they'd let any of you live after finding out how much you've helped me." There was a flash of fear in his eyes as he glanced at Lexi. "The only way to keep everyone safe is to lock her and every one of her faithfuls into the next Heaven."

"I don't like it," Dean announced. Cas didn't bother to hide his eye roll, but Dean ignored it and turned back to Kevin.

"And we're actually supposed to get God to show his face?" he asked Kevin. "How in the hell are we going to do that?"

"I have no idea," Kevin said apologetically.

"We'll have to wing it," Sam sighed.

"Wing it?" Dean looked at his brother incredulously.

"It is the Winchester way," Sam replied, glaring at Dean.

Dean stared down at the table, jaw tight, for more than a minute. His lips hardly moved when he finally spoke. "This is the only way?" he asked Cas, shooting him a sidelong glance but not willing to meet his eyes.

"She manipulates reality," Cas said, shaking his head. "For the sake of humanity, she needs to be put away." He looked at Dean, but instead of meeting Cas' eyes, Dean stood up suddenly and left the kitchen.

Sam and Cas exchanged looks that seemed ask which one of them was going to go after him. Cas ended up following Dean out the door. Sam seemed preoccupied as he got up and rinsed off his plate.

"Thanks for dinner, Mrs. Tran," Lexi said awkwardly before excusing herself from the table.

As she stepped outside to smoke, Lexi heard Cas' voice around the corner and stopped abruptly. It looked as though he was arguing with Dean, and though she was pretty sure they couldn't see her, she didn't want to eavesdrop.

"Dean, in doing this, I might actually be able to redeem myself!" Cas was almost shouting. "For everything I've done, every human and angel I've slaughtered—"

"At what cost, Cas?!" Lexi had never heard Dean this distraught, and she found herself frozen in her place, cigarette halfway to her lips. "You don't have to die just for reconciliation."

"I wouldn't die," Cas answered. "I could live a full human life after doing this." He left a heavy pause. "Why are you so accepting of your mortality, of Sam's," Cas emphasized the latter, "but you can't handle the idea of mine?"

"Because you're the best of us, Cas!" Dean shouted angrily. "You always have been," he continued, choking on his words. "Besides the fact that you can literally heal people," he began, defensive edge back in his voice, "you've never done _anything_ but try to help… even when you suck at it," he added as an afterthought. "You rebelled against your own family, for _us_, even when there was no hope to be found," Dean looked at him, unbelieving. "You have the worst memories—memories that _I_ couldn't even begin to dream of—inside your head, because you took them from my little brother," Dean squeezed his eyes shut, and then looked up to keep his tears from falling. "And don't you think there's a reason you're always brought back?" Dean stepped towards him. "If there is a God, somewhere in this crazy universe, He likes you," Dean shook his head. "You can't… die, Cas," Dean's shoulders fell, and he looked at him, begging. "You're a goddamned angel, for chrissakes!"

Cas' face had grown progressively softer as he'd let Dean vent. "Dean," he began quietly, "if we don't stop Naomi, she'll kill us all. And even if it was possible to trap her in heaven but not me…" Cas trailed off, and he shook his head before fixing his eyes on Dean's. "What the hell do you think I'm going to do here on Earth when you die?"

Lexi backed away to the other side of the house, feeling guilty for how much she had overheard. She hadn't quite realized how difficult and lonely it must be to be an angel. If Cas was locked out of heaven, but remained an angel, he would have to watch every single person around him die—and she couldn't imagine a worse fate for anybody. She finally lit her cigarette and took a long, shaky drag before being startled by Sam, who immediately apologized.

"Are they always like this?" she asked him.

Sam chuckled darkly. "Yeah," he replied, "pretty much."

"Presence of God, huh?" she said after an extended awkward silence. She wasn't sure what else to say about Cas and Dean.

"Yeah, that'll take a miracle," Sam answered.

Lexi raised her eyebrows at him. "Well, yeah," she said. Sam laughed again.

She sighed and took another drag from her cigarette. "What do you think the tablet means by 'essence of the key'?" she asked casually.

"I dunno." Sam shrugged. "Something special to you?" He furrowed his brows slightly as he looked at her.

"Yeah, I suppose," Lexi replied, trying to sound unfazed. She stomped out her cigarette and turned around to go back inside, but she couldn't shake her doubts about her ability to play some special part in this, or about the idea of Cas relinquishing his grace.


	15. Chapter 15

_I have most of Ch. 16 written-this got long so I split it up. Reviews help keep me motivated :)_

* * *

Chapter 15

The next morning, nobody could find Cas. Dean was irritated about this, and on top of that he was antsy because they weren't working on a case. Sam was online, checking for strange happenings in this part of the country, and Kevin was in the shed working on translating the tablet. Mrs. Tran kept asking Dean questions about where they had been and what they had been up to, which was not improving his mood.

Lexi spent the morning exploring the grounds, partly out of curiosity but mostly to avoid Mrs. Tran's inquisition and Dean's irritated grumbles that served as a reminder of Cas' absence. She talked to Kevin for over an hour about the tablets, and he didn't seem at all annoyed by her questions. Still, she did not want to distract the prophet, and she excused herself to see if she could help Sam out with any kind of research.

Just after noon, Cas appeared in the kitchen.

"Jesus!" Dean exclaimed. Mrs. Tran let out a sound that was somewhere between a gasp and a shriek and backed against the wall.

"No," Cas said in response to Dean. He glanced at Mrs. Tran apologetically, but she glared back in reproach.

"Where the hell were you, man?" Dean asked angrily. Sam and Lexi rushed in from the living room to see what all the commotion was about.

"I was searching for Inias," Cas answered. "I'm trying to get as much information as possible before we try to sneak into Heaven."

"Inias?" Sam asked skeptically.

"Yes," Cas said. "He is the only angel I believe we can trust, and he could be of much assistance if we want any semblance of discretion."

"Then couldn't you just… call him up on angel radio?" Dean looked up at Cas. He was still sitting at the table, half eaten ham sandwich abandoned on his plate.

"I tried. If he can hear me, he's not responding." Cas looked around at each of them, then gave Sam and Dean significant looks. "We should leave," Cas said quietly.

"Were you followed?" Sam asked, voice hushed, following Cas' example.

"I don't think so, but…" Cas shook his head. "I would very much like to find Inias, and I'm sure Naomi is more than capable of tracking at least one of us. We should try to find someplace away from the prophet, someplace safe."

Sam gave Dean a worried glance, but Dean looked down at the ground. Both Winchesters felt a pang of longing for their old bunker, the headquarters of the Men of Letters. Sam had only just started to think of it as home when it had burned to the ground.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Lexi found herself once again in the back of the Impala, though this time without Castiel. He insisted on continuing his search, and had agreed to meet them later that night. Dean had argued, but half-heartedly—Lexi got the impression he was still upset with the angel for being so willing to sacrifice his own grace.

Sam and Dean knew a hunter who had a safe house a couple hours west, in Washington. Lexi was disappointed when she learned they weren't going all the way to the ocean, but she didn't say anything.

"Shouldn't be more than a couple days, Jack," Dean had said over the phone to the owner of the safe house. "We'll take good care of the place." He chuckled at something Jack said, but it sounded forced, and as soon as Dean hung up he gave Sam an annoyed look. Sam looked away to hide his grin from Dean.

They spent the first hour almost in silence, Dean's music turned down unusually low. All three of them seemed to be lost in their own thoughts. Lexi was torn—she had hated her old life so much, but she had no idea how to handle this new one, and she wasn't sure she was capable of running up to Heaven and figuring out these Gates.

"How do humans get into heaven without…" Lexi started, uncertain how to phrase the last part of her question.

"Without dying?" Sam finished. She nodded. He grinned at her reassuringly. "It's possible," he said. "Not exactly sure how we're going to do it this time, but…"

"We've been there before," Dean cut in.

Lexi tilted her head and furrowed her brows at Dean. "You failed to mention this when I said, 'Tell me everything,'" she said, disbelieving. He smirked at her. "Was it everything you'd hoped?" she asked more quietly.

"Not really," he answered.

Sam chuckled. "It wasn't really our time, I don't know if we saw our own permanent heaven," he explained. "Everyone's is different."

She focused her eyes outside the window and took a minute to let that idea sink in.

"Do you really think Cas will sacrifice his grace?" she asked quietly, taking both brothers by surprise. They each turned around halfway and looked at each other before Sam glanced down and Dean's face closed off. It took Dean a minute to realize Sam wasn't going to answer her question, and he scrutinized her through the rearview mirror.

"What do you think?" Dean's voice was bitter, but Lexi didn't miss the saddened undertone. She turned her head back to the window instead of answering.

"What will happen to him?" she asked, nearly keeping her voice steady.

"He'll become one of us," Dean responded, and the pain in his voice was unmistakable. "It's not easy for angels to rip out their grace, but…" Dean sighed. "He'll probably survive it."

Lexi didn't like his 'probably,' but she could tell Dean didn't either. "Can't we just… trick Naomi into meeting us at the gates and use her grace?" she asked, meeting Dean's eyes in the mirror once again. He looked to Sam, who raised his eyebrows, but neither seemed especially excited.

"We can try to talk Cas into that," Dean said with a shrug. He watched her stare out the window again, worried expression on her face. "He seems to like you," he continued, smile slowly spreading across his face.

Lexi shook her head and tried not to smile back. "He's… pretty remarkable."

Sam and Dean raised their eyebrows mockingly.

"Shut up," Lexi snapped from the back seat, unable to hide her grin.

* * *

They arrived before sunset and managed to scrounge up a decent dinner from what was stocked in the cupboards and freezer. Lexi volunteered to clean up afterwards, and she was just finishing up the dishes when she heard a thud against the front door.

"Um—guys?" she called in a low voice, trying to get the boys' attention from the television in the living room. They looked up at her quizzically, and she didn't wait for them to get up to check out the window.

It was Cas. He was leaning up against the door, holding a man in his arms. He looked around frantically, and when he saw Lexi at the window his eyes pleaded for her to let him in.

She ran over to the door as Sam and Dean entered the room. All three of them quickly got out of Cas' way as he laid the man down on the kitchen table. His legs hung over the edge, but nobody really noticed.

His dark clothes were coated in blood, and his face was bruised beyond recognition. One eye was swollen shut, and blood threatened to drip into the other from his forehead and eyebrow. It was obvious he wasn't conscious, and as soon as Cas laid him down Sam reached forward to check if he was breathing.

Dean and Lexi looked up urgently at Cas, the same question in both their eyes.

"Inias," Cas said, breathless. His khaki trench coat was now stained red, and Lexi moved towards Cas, fearing he was hurt. "It's not mine," he reassured her as she reached for him. She sighed shakily, relieved.

Dean looked from Cas back down to the man—the angel—on the table. "Cas?" he breathed, begging expectantly. Cas shook his head.

"Naomi did this to him," he said with a quiet anger that gave Lexi chills. Sam ran to grab medical supplies, and Lexi grabbed a kitchen towel to sop up the blood on Inias' face.

"Why?" she asked Cas, even though she feared the answer.

Cas stared at her for a moment. Even with the urgency of the situation, he was touched by her resolute curiosity.

Dean looked from one to the other impatiently.

"She found out he had spoken to me about…" Cas swallowed and glanced at Dean, purposely avoiding Lexi's eyes. "About the Gates of Heaven," he finished.

Inias stirred and let out a small moan. They all looked down at him, waiting, but he did not wake up. "Is there anything you can do?" Dean asked Cas.

Cas shook his head. "It takes a lot to torture an angel," he said simply.

"Well is he gonna make it?" Dean asked in shock.

"I don't know," Cas whispered, and his voice sounded so small that Lexi couldn't help but reach out and put her hand on his arm. He looked at her gratefully, which Sam and Dean pretended not to notice.

They moved Inias to the living room, where Cas spent the night watching him from an armchair. He insisted on the humans going to bed, reassuring all three that he would let them know if there were any developments or anything they could do—but none of them got a good night's sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The morning was anxiously spent in sidelong glances to the tortured angel, and finally Sam and Dean decided to go into town to get more medical supplies. Lexi watched the Chevy turn out of the long driveway, black paint glistening in the downpour, windshield wipers beating out the rhythm of the rain.

Cas explained to Lexi how Inias had been the only angel who hadn't blamed him for opening Purgatory, and how he had unwillingly put Inias in danger by seeking his assistance. She paid close attention. Half an hour after the Winchesters left, the rain lightened, and Inias twitched and began breathing heavily. His bright hazel eyes squinted open and met Cas' concerned gaze.

"Castiel," he whispered.

"Inias," Cas answered gently. "I am sorry… It appears I am unable to heal your wounds."

Inias grinned. "Always such compassion," he muttered. "You have too much heart for an angel, my friend."

Cas let a sad smile curl his lips before he looked down.

"You got me out," Inias continued, raspy. Cas nodded once, but offered no explanation.

"This must be the Key," Inias said after a moment, turning his head slightly towards Lexi. She nodded, unsure of what to say. "You are more beautiful than I expected," Inias sighed. Lexi actually blushed, and Cas looked at her tenderly, which was not missed by Inias. "Of course, I don't have to tell that to my brother." He raised his good eyebrow at Cas, who met his gaze with apprehension, then affirmation.

Suddenly, Inias began to cough. His fit grew worse until he spat out an unnerving amount of blood onto himself and Cas' sleeve. He winced as he leaned his head back against the arm of the couch.

"I don't have long," he managed to choke out. Cas started to say something, but when he looked into Inias' eyes he knew there was no time even for pretense.

"I am sorry," Cas said. "If I had known…" Inias stopped him midsentence, putting his hand on Cas' arm and nodding at him understandingly.

"Naomi knows about you," Inias whispered, looking at Lexi. "I tried not to tell her anything, but her methods are… thorough." He stared at her, pain and sadness overtaking his eyes, and Lexi couldn't help but reach forward and take his other hand.

"It's okay," she reassured him. She had no idea whether or not she was actually telling him the truth, but she knew that no part of her blamed him. He returned her steady gaze with gratitude.

"She does not know where you are, or where the prophet is located," Inias said to Cas, a spark of pride in his eyes.

"Did you know?" Cas asked him, brows furrowed.

Inias nodded. Cas put his hand over Inias', which was still resting on Cas' coat sleeve. "Oh, brother," Cas said, and Lexi's eyes welled up with tears at the pure heartbreak in his voice. She knew he had seen countless of his fellow divine soldiers pass, and here he was, about to witness the death of the last one to have true faith in him.

Inias grimaced for a moment, then stared out the window. The sun was almost peering through the overcast Washington sky, and the last of the rain dripped down the glass. "Take me outside," he breathed, and Cas stood without hesitation.

The first rays of Thursday's afternoon light broke through the clouds. Inias shuddered slightly as Cas set him gently on the ground. He and Lexi knelt by his side, neither caring about the dampness or the seasonal chill in the air.

"I am glad I lived to meet you," Inias said to Lexi. "You are truly a treasure among your kind."

Lexi blinked and nodded her thanks, though she had no idea why he would say that. Her jaw tightened as she realized she was trying not to cry. "Yeah," she said shakily. "You too."

Inias looked up at Cas, and as he did his body began to faintly glow. Cas took his hand once again, and his face held more pain than Inias'.

"Thank you, Inias," Cas said quietly, throat tight with emotion. "For everything."

The dying angel's lips twitched into a smile. "Goodbye, my old friend," Inias said, the browns and greens of his eyes melting into pure light. "And good luck."

The bright light seeped out of Inias and grew until it met the sun. Cas suddenly turned and shielded Lexi, and an instant later she knew why. She shut her eyes tightly as the flash thundered around them. When they looked back at Inias, vast charred wing marks scorched the ground and his vessel lay still and empty.

Cas was still holding Lexi, and she clung to him, not wanting him to let her go. He kept his arms around her, granting her silent wish, and she leaned into his chest.

She had only just met this angel, this kind, substantial being, and yet he had been willing to give what could have been his eternal life for her. The realization of how important this mission was hit Lexi full force and spread to the corners of her mind like electric shrapnel.

Tears fell from her face, and Cas pressed her head to his chest. He knew that she felt this was beyond her, that she was afraid of failing them and that she was feeling the sorrow of his loss. Her incredible empathy, despite all her other turbulent thoughts, overwhelmed Cas and he held her tighter. Her sobs shook him, and as Cas closed his eyes, a tear of his own fell into Lexi's sweet-smelling hair.

After a couple minutes, she stopped shaking. Cas kissed the top of her head, and she took a deep breath. Cas held her face in his hands and looked intently into her eyes. He couldn't offer her true words of comfort, and so he leaned down and kissed her deeply.

Lexi had never been kissed the way Cas kissed her now. She had done countless things, lascivious things with many men, but had never felt this level of connection, this pertinacious pull from deep inside her. She stroked his face, reveling in how his slight stubble brushed across her fingertips. She felt the warm grace rising in him, and it was in that kiss that she found the strength to make a promise to herself—a promise that she would fight for these angels, with these angels, and with the Winchesters. She would do whatever it took to open the Gates of Heaven and slam them shut in Naomi's face.

They broke away from each other, Cas wiping the tear stains from her cheeks. He had felt something in her shift, and as he stared at her, her resolve flowed through him. Grief twisted into determination, and though the pain of loss was still present, it was eclipsed by the courage they held between them.

They heard the Impala before they saw it curve around the path between the pines. Cas stood up and reached a hand down to help Lexi to her feet. She took it, and they turned towards the car as Dean cut the engine.

Dean and Sam got out slowly, staring at Inias' lifeless body and burnt shadows of feathers. They exchanged glances with both Cas and Lexi, but none of them said a word.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Cas wanted to deal with Inias' body himself, so out of respect Sam, Dean and Lexi went inside. Dean took the bandages they had bought and threw them uselessly into a closet. Restless, he began to prepare dinner. Sam opened up beers for all of them, and when he started helping Dean with supper Lexi sat down on the couch, silent.

She could see Cas through the living room window, and he was standing perfectly still, head slightly tilted, staring up at the bit of orange sun pushing through the clouds. He stood there for at least an hour, and right as Lexi was debating going outside to check on him Dean's phone rang.

"Hi, Mrs. Tran," Dean said, trying to keep his tone light. "Yeah, no, everything's fine here," he continued. Sam raised his eyebrows at him, and Dean just shook his head. They tended to not tell her everything to keep her from worrying too much, which she was prone to do. "We're not in the middle of nowhere," Dean was saying, unable to hide his exasperation. "It's like, twenty minutes south of Spokane. No, I know. No, really, it's fine," he said. "Okay. Tell Kevin thanks again." Dean clicked the phone shut and widened his eyes at Sam, who gave him a small smile before opening the fridge for another beer.

Lexi sighed as she stood to discard her empty bottle. Dinner was nearly ready, and she decided to set the table. She cracked open another beer and walked over to the couch to resume her position, but as she glanced out the window again she noticed Cas stiffen and whip his head towards the driveway.

Setting down her beer, Lexi strode out the front door and over to Cas.

"Get back inside," he ordered, before she could ask him what was going on. She glanced in the direction of his sight and saw nothing.

"No," she replied, indignant.

Cas moved towards her, giving her an urgent look, but Lexi didn't budge. Cas opened his mouth, but before he could speak there was a bright flash and a thunderous clap and Lexi was thrown to the ground.

Sam and Dean came sprinting out of the house, handguns drawn. Lexi staggered upright, her ears still ringing. Cas seemed less affected by the blast, and he marched towards a slight figure that had appeared between him and the Impala.

"Naomi," he growled, extracting an angel blade from his trench coat. He stopped abruptly when he noticed a larger figure standing just behind her.

The other three had noticed him at the same time. Lexi didn't recognize either of them, but apparently this bureaucratic looking woman was Naomi, and it seemed the boys knew the man who was with her.

"Crowley?" Dean asked in disbelief. He exchanged significant glances with Sam, then Cas. Lexi's eyes widened. She had no idea what the King of Hell was doing top side, let alone with the angel who had been controlling Cas, but she knew there was no way it was good.

"Hello, boys," Crowley replied in his smug Cockney accent.

"I apologize for the racket," Naomi said in a polite, sweet voice that would have made Lexi distrust her even if she'd known nothing about her. "My new angel is still getting used to a few things." She glared at Crowley, who simply raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

"You're an angel now," Sam said, as if he couldn't believe it, but the look on his face said he wasn't surprised.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Dean said to nobody in particular.

"Now, now," Naomi cut in, "no need for foul language."

"But—" Sam started, confused. "How?"

"How did I turn a demon into an angel?" Naomi finished his question, superior expression on her face. "I have powers even you boys wouldn't believe… and this one is rather resourceful." She ignored the fact that Cas had his weapon in hand, and began to walk in a deliberate circle, taking in her surroundings.

"How did you find us?" Cas asked, breaking the tense, uncertain silence.

Naomi smiled, but did not stop moving as she answered him. "Dean Winchester told us," she replied.

Dean looked furtively at each of them, bewildered and defensive. None of them believed this for a second, and Naomi received three incredulous looks from Sam, Lexi, and Cas.

"What?" Dean barked. Crowley chuckled, earning a nasty glare from Dean.

"Of course, he didn't mean to," Naomi finished, appearing to have enjoyed the anxiety she had caused him. She stopped pacing and faced Dean, who readjusted his grip on the gun. Lexi found this was a sign that he was actually nervous, and she hoped Naomi didn't notice.

"Twenty minutes south of Spokane," Naomi quoted in barely more than a whisper. "It took us less than that to find you," she added, raising an eyebrow.

"You tapped our phones?" Sam asked angrily.

"No need," Crowley answered, stepping forward. "Nice perk of being an angel?" He tapped his forehead with an index finger. "Pick up on all sorts of interesting wavelengths."

Cas stared down at the ground, his jaw tight. Dean closed his eyes, silently cursing himself as if he should have known.

"Looks like you found Inias," Naomi said, nonchalant. She looked over at the scorched wing marks on the ground and then met Cas' furious gaze.

"I will kill you for what you did to him," Cas replied. He spoke in a quiet rumble, and the birds, insects, and even the trees seemed to hush at his tone. It sent a chill up Lexi's spine, and though she instantly believed him, it took her a few full seconds to realize that she had stopped breathing.

Naomi narrowed her eyes. "Let's not be too hasty," she said threateningly. She glanced briefly at the Winchesters before her gaze settled on Lexi.

"And you," she said with condescending intrigue. "You must be the Key."

Lexi glanced at Cas, and his eyes told her there was no point in lying. She took a deep breath. "That I am," she exhaled, annoyed.

Naomi started towards her, but Cas stepped in the way, blade raised. Naomi raised her eyebrows at Cas. "A bit protective?" she asked, sounding more amused than anything. He swung at her, but the sword sliced only air as she appeared suddenly right in front of Lexi.

Lexi inexplicably anticipated this, and so her only reaction was to stand up straighter. Her nostrils flared as she glared up at Naomi, almost daring her to do something.

Naomi was less surprised than fascinated, and she studied Lexi carefully for a moment before speaking.

"You're a fearless little thing, aren't you?" she breathed, though it wasn't really a question. Lexi did not look away from Naomi's inquisitive gaze.

"Right now my biggest fear is that you're going to get hit in the face," Lexi replied. Dean, Sam, and Crowley chuckled, but neither Cas or Naomi found her comment funny. Cas gave her a warning look over Naomi's shoulder, but she didn't need it to know she was playing with fire.

"Really," Naomi said coolly, though her eyes blazed, no longer full of intrigue. "And what makes you think _I_ would be afraid of _you_?"

"Nothing," Lexi answered innocently. "But if I were your daddy, I wouldn't be too pleased about what you've been doing to your brothers."

"What could a whore know of God?" Naomi sneered, turning around to address everyone. "God is _DEAD!_" she exclaimed. "Why else would He have allowed this _filth_ to take over _everything_?!" Her voice was shrill, and she pointed at the Winchesters as she screamed. "Why would He have let your precious Castiel _ruin_ Heaven?! _RUIN_ it!" Lexi took a step back. "_I _have been trying to fix everything!" she shrieked. "I am trying to _save_ my brothers and sisters, but I have had to _kill_ some _for the greater good!_" Naomi swung back around and pointed at Lexi. "SEIZE HER!" she commanded, and before Lexi knew what was happening Crowley was behind her, angel sword at her throat. Lexi reached up to grab his arm, but his grip was too strong.

"I like you," Crowley said to her lightly. He pressed the tip of the blade under her chin, and his tone grew dark. "So don't make me rip your pretty little neck out in front of all your friends."

"If you kill me, another Key will be born, and you'll just have to go on another treasure hunt," Lexi said simply. Naomi sighed impatiently and walked away from them, towards Cas.

Lexi stomped hard on Crowley's foot, and sunk both nails and teeth into his arm. The angel flinched just enough for Lexi to twist her way out of his grasp, and she scrambled over to Sam and Dean before Crowley could recover.

She glared at him from the front steps, but the look she got back wasn't as infuriated as she'd expected. There was a glimmer of something like triumph in his eyes, but before Lexi could be sure, Crowley had turned back to Naomi.

Cas seized his chance. As Naomi looked wide-eyed from Lexi to Crowley, he raised his sword and brought it down faster than Lexi's eyes could register the movement. Naomi spun around and twisted Cas' arm; she was obviously a lot stronger than she looked. Crowley started towards them, and Lexi ducked as both Winchesters emptied their clips into his chest. This did nothing but stop him in his tracks, but that might have been enough if Cas had been able to hold onto the sword.

The angel blade fell, wrenched from his grasp, and as Cas took his eyes off Naomi's to watch it hit the ground, she grabbed him by the neck. He looked up at her, blue eyes wide and fearful, and knew what she was about to do even before she spoke.

"I'm not going to kill you, Castiel," she said, fury barely contained. "I want you to know all the pain and suffering of these low-life pieces of scum you've been fighting so very hard for."

He tried to pry her arm off, but she was too strong and he met her mad look with pleading.

It took Lexi a split second to realized that Naomi's hand wasn't _around_ Cas' throat, it was _inside_ it—and the next second she was moving towards him, but he was shouting, shouting at them to get inside, and she wasn't sure if she screamed out loud or just in her head as she felt Sam pick her up by her waist and watched his other arm grab Dean's jacket and drag him, kicking and yelling, through the front door just as a deafening explosion of bright white light reached the windows and shattered them.

* * *

Lexi wasn't sure if the blast temporarily destroyed her hearing or if the world was suddenly and incredibly subdued. Sam managed to restrain her, but Dean writhed out of his jacket and sprinted back outside. Sam mouthed words that never reached Lexi's ears, and she held his arm tightly as they ran after Dean.

Naomi and Crowley were nowhere to be seen. Dean knelt by Cas, and as he looked back at them Lexi realized she had never seen him so afraid. She fell to Cas' other side, and as she leaned over him a drop of blood appeared on his hand. She clapped a hand to her face, and realized it was hers—some glass had left a long cut just below her right ear. She forgot about it immediately when she noticed blood soaking through the collar of Cas' white shirt, oozing out of the hollow of his neck. She put her hand on his chest but instantly withdrew it. He was hot to the touch, and as Lexi looked closer, she noticed bits of white light seeping out of him, through his eyes, through his throat, through his skin.

Dean grabbed the collar of the trench coat and began shaking Cas, shouting something Lexi couldn't hear. Sam crouched by his brother, trying to calm him down, and as soon as Dean released Cas' coat Lexi put her hand up to his face to see if he was, somehow, still breathing. She tentatively put her hand on his to see if he was still burning hot and found she could touch him, though not comfortably. She squeezed his wrist and prayed for a pulse, and after a few agonizingly uncertain seconds, she found one.

Lexi reassuringly nodded at Sam and Dean, gasping for air. She realized she was listening to their breathing, and to hers, and the sounds of the wind and birds reached her ears. All three of them looked down at Cas, whose glowing faded as the minutes crept by.

Then the last of Castiel's grace left his body, melting into the sun's dying light, and pure white followed crimson beyond Thursday's horizon.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

They had driven six and half hours before Lexi smelled the ocean.

It was still dark, though she was sure dawn wasn't far behind them. Lexi hadn't even asked how far they were going; but there it was, the Pacific Ocean—new and salty and unmistakably real.

She rolled down the window further and the rumble of the distant waves reached her ears, even over the now-familiar purr of the Impala. The ocean was relatively calm, but after almost seven silent hours it felt almost deafening. Lexi absent-mindedly stroked Cas' hair for the millionth time and closed her eyes to take a deep breath. She hadn't been paying much attention to their direction or surroundings, but the rolling waves swelled a mantra: _You've arrived_.

They parked outside a motel called Linda's, which reassuringly reminded Lexi of Mrs. Tran. Lexi gently slid Cas' head off her lap, and Sam stayed with him while she and Dean went into the office to check in.

"Name, please?" asked the middle aged woman manning the desk. Dean slapped a couple too many twenties on the counter and gave her a look that said he was too tired for lies. "Sounds good, Mr. Smith," she replied, handing him the keys.

A few hours earlier, Dean and Sam had argued about whether or not to take Cas to a hospital. Dean had wanted to, but Sam didn't think doctors would be able to do anything for him. Lexi remained silent during Sam and Dean's debate, cleaning up drying blood from the U-shaped cut in the hollow of Cas' neck where his grace had been ripped from his body. He had stopped bleeding, but still wasn't conscious.

"Dean, we've got to get out of here," Sam said. "We don't know if they're going to come back—"

"I _know_, Sammy!" Dean sighed.

Sam looked from the still figure on the bed to Dean. "Look," he said, "I know you want to help him. We all do. I'm just saying that the best thing for everyone right now is… to just try to stay safe."

Dean folded his arms and clenched his jaw as he looked down at Cas.

"Yeah," he agreed softly.

Sam found a wimpy sheet of opaque plastic and used it to cover the broken windows, but he didn't bother trying to clean up the glass. They decided to call Jack from the road and deliver the bad news.

Sam carried Cas to the Impala, and Lexi followed. Dean turned out the lights and shut the front door behind him. None of them noticed the chicken and potatoes left on the kitchen table, getting cold.

Dean started to insist on sharing a room with Cas, but when they opened the door the room only had one queen-sized bed. Dean grumbled something incoherent as he unlocked the room next door, which fortunately contained two beds. He threw his stuff onto one of them as Lexi helped Sam get Cas out of the back seat.

She pulled back the covers, and Sam helped her take off his trench coat and tuck him in. After convincing them she was okay and she would let them know the second Cas woke up, Lexi leaned back against the wooden headboard, turned on the television, and fell asleep before the sun came up.

Around midday, Lexi woke to a soft knock on the door. She straightened up, wincing at an awkward knot that had formed in her back, and looked down at Cas. He seemed smaller than she had ever seen him. Yesterday's events came rushing back and fell, heavy, into her stomach. She got up, still uneasy, and opened the motel door.

Sam stood outside holding a couple cups of coffee and what smelled like a bag of donuts. He half shrugged an offer to Lexi, whose look softened as she let him in. They made small talk for a few minutes, keeping their voices quiet for reasons neither of them were willing to acknowledge.

Dean came over, ruffling his still-wet hair. He claimed he'd slept, but his eyes looked as tired as ever. He leaned against the door frame in silence, and every couple seconds he glanced anxiously at Cas.

"I want to go down to the ocean," Lexi started, almost whispering. "But I feel weird not waiting for Cas."

Sam and Dean exchanged looks that implied they were hiding something.

"What?" Lexi asked, no longer keeping her voice down. "What is it?"

"Lexi," Sam began with a sigh. "It's possible… Look, it's possible that even if he wakes up…" Lexi gave him a warning glance at the word 'if,' and Dean finished Sam's sentence.

"It's possible he won't remember anything." He looked her in the eye for a long second before staring at the floor.

"Why wouldn't he remember?" Lexi asked after a moment, voice high and breathless.

"We've only met one angel who's become a human before," Sam said, "and it took some… effort to make her remember who she was."

"And she wasn't in a vessel when she fell," Dean added, shaking his head.

Sam looked at her sympathetically. "We just don't know what to expect," he said.

Lexi nodded and looked over at the bed. She couldn't let herself believe Cas might not be Cas when—_if_—he woke up, angel or not. "I think I'm going to go for a walk," she said softly, not meeting Sam or Dean's eyes as she made her way out the door.

Lexi wandered down the beach, folding her arms against the cold wind coming in from the sea. She found an old dark stump of driftwood and sat down. The weather was damp and foggy, and she couldn't tell where the ocean ended and the sky began—it was all one blurry spectrum of hopeless gray.

She had been scared before, and not just a notch up from anxious. Lexi had been terrified to the bone, but it was almost always for herself and her own safety, and she didn't know how to deal with the idea that there was absolutely nothing she could do. She'd learned to accept bad things about her life, but this was different. Cas' fate was tied not only to her own, but to the Winchesters', and maybe even to Heaven itself.

This wasn't quite what she'd expected, years ago when she had let herself imagine running away and heading west. There had been no ghouls in her fantasy, no demons in her daydreams. She had wanted to be free to make her own life, not get sucked into some immense scheme. Lexi had pictured the Pacific with shards of sunlight interrupting fathomless blue, not disparaging gray murked by drowning green and about as little sun as was possible in the middle of the day. She knew that she was better off, but today she was having a difficult time believing it.

Lexi and the Winchesters spent the rest of their strained afternoon watching crappy TV in her and Cas' room. They barely spoke, even to answer trivia questions, which typically Lexi and Sam were all over. She was just about to step outside for a cigarette when they heard the covers rustling.

Cas' arm shifted, and his face tensed as he turned his head. He let out a small moan, and Lexi hurried over to the bed, taking his hand in hers.

"Cas?" she whispered.

"Come on, buddy," Dean pleaded from the other side of the bed. Sam stood at the foot of the bed, expression torn between hope and worry. All three of them held their breath, and Cas' eyes fluttered open.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Cas' eyes struggled to focus, and he blinked hard. He let out a small moan and winced with the pain it brought him. He furrowed his eyebrows and shifted his still-focusing eyes from Dean to Sam and, finally, to Lexi. She squeezed his hand encouragingly, but none of them knew what to say.

Cas broke the silence. "Lexi?" he mumbled, turning his head slightly and giving her a confused and worried look through fluttering eyelids.

Lexi inhaled sharply and gave a shaky sigh. Sam let out the breath he was holding, and Dean closed his eyes in relief.

"We're here, Cas," she said softly. "I'm here," she added in a whisper. Cas squeezed her hand weakly and gave her an appreciative glance before looking over at Dean, a dozen questions on his face.

"You kinda scared us there," Dean said warningly, but the concern in his expression betrayed his lack of anger.

Cas looked at him apologetically and tried to take a deep breath. It got caught in his throat, and he reached up and touched the cut in his neck. He seemed perplexed for a moment, but suddenly his eyes widened and he stared down.

"I'm human," he croaked, in shock. His face changed from surprised to wary to anxious before he became overwhelmed and closed his eyes.

"It's okay, Cas," Lexi said. "It's going to be okay." And she meant it. Cas looked at her, and gratitude overshadowed the tumult behind his eyes.

"You can go back to sleep," Dean told him gently. "We'll be here."

"Stay strong, Cas," Sam whispered as Cas succumbed to blissful lack of consciousness.

He slept through the night and long into the next morning. When he woke, Dean told him he looked like hell, and Lexi made him drink a full glass of water.

"My stomach feels… strange," he mumbled. Lexi positioned a couple pillows behind him and helped him sit up.

"You're probably hungry," she told him patiently. Cas widened his eyes as he looked from Lexi to Dean. He thought he had been hungry before, but he wasn't used to the real _need_ to eat.

"I was thinking of grabbing eggs," Dean said. "You want eggs?"

Cas looked apprehensively down at his stomach before turning back up to Dean. His face softened, and he nodded gratefully.

"Then I'll be back with some eggs," Dean said, and he seemed satisfied with the idea that there was finally something he could do to help.

Sam smiled at Cas. "How are you feeling?" he asked kindly.

Cas opened his mouth to tell Sam he was fine, but then realized there was no real point in lying. "Not that good," he replied after a pause.

"Welcome to humanity," Lexi said, soft voice edged in bitterness.

Cas squinted at her, trying to read her emotions, but he couldn't quite grasp them as he had before; it was like the difference between looking at a map and being able to put streets into context and standing on a corner, seeing buildings and landmarks from a lateral perspective. He studied her for a moment before she spoke.

"Bet you don't quite know what to make of me now that you can't tell what's going on inside my mind," she said more daringly than she felt.

Cas smiled at her—a small smile, but it reached his eyes and they gleamed brightly with understanding.

"I never knew what to make of you," he replied, taking her hand.

Lexi grinned. Dean sighed and opened the motel door, car keys jingling as he took them out of his pocket. Cas stared at the door after Dean shut it behind him and took a deep breath in through his nose, dark brows furrowing.

"Where are we?" he asked, looking from Sam to Lexi. "Are we by the ocean?"

Lexi nodded, half smiling. "Maybe once you're up for it we can go down to the beach," she said.

"Maybe after you eat something," Sam chimed in, eyebrows raised.

"I'd like that," he said slowly, his face lighting up with wonder. "I'd really like that." Lexi couldn't help the huge smile that spread across her face. "I haven't been to the beach in ages," Cas continued.

"Do you mean that figuratively, or has it literally been ages?" Lexi asked, half amused—but as soon as the question left her lips a pang of sadness hit her in the gut.

Cas stared down for so long she didn't think he was going to answer. "I don't know," he said finally. "Everything seems so far away… everything, before…" He winced, his head hurting from trying to dig through memories made by a being with a consciousness so much bigger than any human mind. He closed his eyes, but opened them when Lexi squeezed his hand.

"Of course it does," she replied, pained look on her face. "Time matters now."

Cas closed his eyes and leaned back into the pillows, but he ran his thumb along Lexi's hand comfortingly.

"Wanna watch TV?" Sam suggested, picking up the remote. Cas nodded, but barely opened his eyes.

Dean returned with a couple dozen eggs, cheese, various herbs and vegetables, and about a pound of bacon, among other essentials to get them through the next few days. Lexi helped Dean chop up the onion and bell pepper while Sam and Cas stared at a documentary about the Civil War.

"Is that really the most interesting thing on?" Dean whispered to her as he flipped the bacon. Lexi shrugged and scraped the veggies into a large blue bowl.

A few minutes later, Dean served up four plates of brunch, which everyone was grateful for—but none so much as Cas. He picked at his bacon at first, but then scarfed down his plate before anyone else could finish. Dean ended up scrambling five more eggs for him.

"Jesus, Cas," he said, scraping the spatula on the pan. "No need to get all famine on us."

"That was different," Cas said, swallowing the bacon Lexi had insisted she was too full to eat. "Famine's cravings were… were more mental than anything."

"Just as long as you don't start eating raw meat off the floor," Dean grumbled, handing Cas his second helping. Cas finished his plate within twenty seconds, despite Lexi's warnings that he was going to make himself sick. He thanked Dean as he took Cas' plate away, but suddenly his expression grew fearful and distant.

"Cas?" Lexi said. "Cas, what is it?"

Dean turned away from the sink and Sam turned around from the television. They all stared at him expectantly.

"Famine," Cas whispered.

Sam and Dean looked at each other, totally perplexed.

"Yeah," Dean said slowly. "But he's _gone_, Cas. If I remember right, Sam kicked his ass."

"Because I couldn't," he replied, voice tight.

"Cas," Sam said, startled. "It's okay! He was a horseman, and your vessel—"

"That's just it, Sam!" Cas yelled, winding himself. He grimaced as he leaned forward, trying to regain his breath. "Jimmy—Jimmy isn't—" He began to cough, and once he started he couldn't stop. Lexi rubbed his back, trying to soothe him. Dean quickly filled up a glass of water for him, looking from Sam to Lexi, totally confused.

"Jimmy isn't…" Dean trailed off, not knowing where Cas was going with his sentence.

Lexi's eyes widened, and she watched Cas choke down some of the water. "Jimmy isn't there anymore," she said gently. She took the glass from him as he buried his face in his hands.

"I—I killed him," Cas whispered, hoarse. He started to shake, and Lexi resumed rubbing his back tenderly.

"No, you didn't," Lexi said softly.

Dean sat down on the corner of the bed. "You know," he started, then looked down at his hands, unsure of whether or not to continue. "He's probably better off than he was locked inside his head."

Cas looked up at him, angry, though he knew Dean was right. Jimmy didn't deserve to die, but he certainly didn't deserve the life he'd had as Castiel's vessel.

"It wasn't your fault, Cas," Sam said, still looking slightly guilty after Cas' outburst. "And there's nothing you could have done."

"He's right," Dean added. "It's not worth beating yourself up. It's really not."

Cas nodded and leaned back, closing his eyes and putting a hand on his temple. Dean stood up and fished a small white bottle of pills from one of the plastic grocery bags on the table.

"Here," he said, pouring out four pills. "This should help with your head."

Cas took them, finishing the glass of water, and looked up at Dean, grateful but exhausted. Lexi readjusted the pillows so he could lie down, and he fell back asleep within minutes.

That evening, the nightmares began.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

It was only ten thirty when Lexi was startled awake by Cas' flailing. She bolted upright, stomach lurching with vertigo fear.

"Cas!" she exclaimed, trying to put her hand on his face to bring him out of his dream, but he kept throwing his head back and forth. He was muttering incoherently and his breathing was erratic; it scared Lexi, and she ran over to bang on the wall between their room and the brothers'.

Dean rushed into the room, and Sam followed, stopping abruptly at the doorway.

"What's—" Dean started, but when he saw Cas his eyes widened and he rushed over to the bed. "Cas!" he yelled, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him awake. "_Cas!_"

Cas shoved Dean aside, hard. Lexi caught him as he stumbled away from the bed.

"No," Cas mumbled, eyes still shut. "No… no more…"

"Cas," Lexi pleaded, gently putting her hand on his arm. "It's okay, Cas," she soothed.

"Wings," he mumbled. "So many…" He trailed off as his eyes fluttered open.

"Cas, buddy," Dean said, approaching the bed slowly, "You don't have wings anymore." Sam gave him a look that said he wasn't helping.

Cas sat up and looked around, disoriented. "Where…" he started, but then his eyes grew wide as everything flooded back to him. He swallowed and tried to close his eyes, but apparently the nightmare was still ingrained into his retinas—he took a shaky breath as he blinked fast.

"It was just a dream," Lexi said, but Cas shook his head and covered his face with his hands.

"I was in heaven," Cas stammered. "After I… after all the souls…" He took his hands away from his face. His eyes were wide with fear, and he gasped for air. "I killed so many…"

For a second Cas looked as if he might cry, but then his face changed—he seemed so cold, so despondent, and Lexi was harshly reminded that he was born a soldier.

"I'm fine," he said determinately. "It was just a dream," he continued, more to himself than to anyone else. "I'm fine," he repeated.

"Okay," Dean said gingerly. "I'll just turn on this lamp, though… or you can come hang out in our room for a while?" Dean gave him a wary and somewhat patronizing look.

"I'm not a fucking child, Dean," Cas snapped. Dean's face hardened.

"Cas," Lexi said softly, touching his arm.

Cas sighed. "I'm sorry," he said, glancing at Dean before rubbing his temple. "I know you're just being protective and that's how you show you care."

Dean's reaction was a strange slide between amusement and bitterness.

"Did I…" Cas furrowed his brows, grasping at thoughts. "Did I push…?" He looked up at Dean apprehensively.

Dean nodded. "It's okay," he said. Cas opened his mouth to apologize, but Dean cut him off. "Really, Cas," he said, "it's fine." Cas closed his mouth, nodding.

Sam yawned widely, then excused himself. "You're gonna be all right, Cas," he said with that reassuring Sam Winchester grin.

Cas looked up at him gratefully. "You guys should go to bed," he said softly.

Dean looked from him to Lexi apprehensively, then sighed. "We'll just be next door, okay?" Cas nodded silently.

As soon as the Winchesters were back in their room, Lexi grabbed a couple painkillers from the bottle and handed them to Cas, who took them with several large gulps of water. She turned the on television, and Cas was relieved to be able to focus on something else.

Lexi found a Jimmy Stewart movie that had just started, and she and Cas watched him save a small town from a greedy old man and an angel help save him from himself. As the town of Bedford Falls sang the last chorus of Auld Lang Syne, Lexi cleared her throat.

"I haven't seen that movie in a long time," she said with a deep breath, looking over at Cas.

Cas stared at the screen for a long time before speaking. "I think I want some pizza," he said quietly.

Lexi gave him a quizzical look. "You okay?" she asked.

Cas seemed slightly apologetic. "Yeah, I just…" He swallowed and looked down. "I just want some pizza," he repeated.

Lexi ordered a large pepperoni and some chicken wings for herself, and watched as Cas slowly ate the entire pizza without saying a word.

* * *

The next morning, Lexi awoke to Cas already conscious and sitting up. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, but when Lexi tried to stifle a yawn his eyebrows shot up and he looked down at her.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, "did I wake you?"

She shook her head groggily. He put his hand on her face and smiled. She realized she hadn't seen him smile since he fell, and she gave him an intensely curious look as his thumb brushed her cheek and he bent down to kiss her forehead. She returned his grin as he leaned back and his eyes met hers.

"Beach?" she questioned, unable to stop a yawn. "Coffee… then beach?"

"That would be nice," Cas replied. He furrowed his brows for a moment. "Both would be nice," he finished. Lexi smiled up at him, and she helped him out of bed as much as he would let her before showing him how to work the small motel coffeemaker.

The Winchesters came over about twenty minutes later, and they were both happy to see Cas out of bed.

"How's the coffee?" Dean asked Cas curiously.

"Not bad," Cas answered. "Though it doesn't taste as strong as I thought it would," he added, taking another sip.

"That's probably because you burned your tongue," Lexi cut in.

Sam chuckled. "I'm pretty sure Dean does that every morning," he said. Dean gave him a look that clearly said 'shut up.'

"So how are you feeling?" Dean questioned.

"Better," Cas answered honestly. "And I think the coffee is helping."

"Well, good," said Dean. He and Sam exchanged one of their looks that suggested they knew something Cas and Lexi didn't, and Dean took a deep breath before continuing.

"So, listen," he said. "We got a call from Kevin, and I think Sam and I might head back to Montana… if you two are okay here."

Cas scrutinized him for a moment, thinking it was strange that Dean and Sam would leave while he was still recovering. "I think we're fine here," he said. He looked at Lexi, who nodded, and then back to Dean, who seemed satisfied.

"All right then," Dean said. "Sam and I'll go grab you a rental car so you're not totally stuck."

"See you guys in a bit," Sam said as he left.

Lexi gave Cas a questioning look, feeling that there was a little something more going on, but she didn't blame the Winchesters for not wanting to burden Cas with too much just yet. He shrugged, and she returned the gesture, finishing off her coffee.

* * *

"They're gonna be pissed if they find out we're really going to Missouri," Sam said as soon as the car door slammed shut.

"I know, Sammy, but we gotta find a way to do this with Cas being all… graceless, and I don't think he's up for helping out just yet."

Sam sighed. "Yeah," he said. "I know."

* * *

It was damp and windy outside, and Lexi refused to leave the room until Cas put on his trenchcoat. He frowned at her, but internally he was grateful to have Lexi to remind him about little things he'd rarely paid attention to, like temperature.

As they rounded the corner of the motel, the crash of the waves came to meet them. Cas stopped and closed his eyes, breathing in deep. Lexi smiled up at him and reached out to take his hand. He opened his eyes and looked down at her with that familiar knowing glimmer. _There's my Cas_, Lexi thought, surprised at how affectionate she felt.

They took their time wandering down the beach; Cas told her he felt fine, just sore. Lexi didn't quite believe he was fine, but he seemed to be doing well enough, so they walked all the way to the old stump Lexi had found earlier.

They sat in silence for some time, soaking up the ocean, the chilly sand, and even the calls of the scattered gulls Lexi typically found so obnoxious.

"What do you want?" Cas asked, breaking Lexi out of her thoughts.

"From you?" she responded, surprised.

"No." He shook his head and looked out at the ocean for a moment before continuing his question. "Just… in general."

"You mean besides slamming Heaven's gates shut in Naomi's stupid face?" she retorted, smirking.

"I mean after," Cas replied, and he turned towards her with that intense look that meant he was trying to probe her mind.

She stared back at him for a minute, thinking, and then let her eyes wander down the beach and over the white crests of the waves. "I like this new life," she said. "I've always…" she began, words catching in her throat. She chuckled softly to herself. "I've always kind of wanted a home," she whispered, looking down. "I never really had… I've always just wanted someplace that was mine, you know? Someplace I get to be just because I want to be there, not… not because I'm stuck."

"I think I do know," Cas said softly. He took her hand and looked down at her with such kindness her heart skipped a beat.

"What about you, Cas?" Lexi asked sincerely. "What do you want?"

Cas' eyes shifted from kind to worried before settling into contemplation. He absent-mindedly stroked her hand with his thumb as he looked out at the Pacific. "Peace," he said finally. "I just wish everyone could leave humanity alone…"

"But what do you want for you?" Lexi pressed.

Cas blinked; he hadn't really thought about it. He gave her a small, sad smile before responding. "I've been on the road a long time," he said, looking down then squinting back out at the sea. "A _very_ long time. And..." He paused before turning back to Lexi. "And I don't think I'd mind a home, either."

Lexi squeezed his hand. "After all you've seen, how can you still care so much?"

"People," he said simply, tilting his head.

"People like me?" Lexi tried to sound sarcastic, but Cas caught the soft plea in her voice.

"I don't think there are people like you," he responded with a knowing look.

Lexi reached up and stroked his jawline. Cas put his hand over hers and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He leaned toward her, opening them again, and then he kissed her so ardently, so completely that for one brilliant moment Heaven and Earth fell away and the world was just the two of them.


End file.
